Monday, December 31, 2007

Looking Back on 2008

This is another of my "vision posts", so don't get confused....I am basically writing the script for 2008, and looking back at it from the future...

I will always remember 2008, as my year of moving to a new level. I think God laid it on my heart that I was gonna rise higher, cus 2007, was kinda a year of me knowing myself, fighting inner wars and all, and as the year drew to a close, I knew 2008 was gonnna be a blast..
I remember the final pieces of wisdom I got through God from reading some books, close to the end of the year 2007 when I took time off, and realizing I had the power to change my life, in my hands. I remember beginning the year 2008, filled with energy, and all of a sudden things began working out for me like magic. I began attracting new ideas and new innovations for my masters project. I remember my prof being wowed by my ideas, and wanting me to do PHD, but me deferring because of my dreams. 2008 was fun, I began getting 9's in courses I did, and ended up with an average of 8 and above and graduating with a distinction, something which no one in my department had had for ages.
I remember focusing on loving my self and the love I had for madam so intensely it transformed our relationship, and I remember the feeling of getting on the plane to see her, and just being wowed by how she looked so so fine.....we sorted out all issues and had a lovely holiday, and I tried so hard to control myself and not be naughty, but you know me now...
I remember how money just began flowing into my life, and I settled my financial issues in such a little while, just in the beginning of the year.
I look back on myself, and I realize that 2007 was me in a cocoon, and 2008 was when I unleashed... I gained control over my mind and was able to focus it on what I wanted, instead of negative stuff...I also remember 2007, writing down my requests on a form and giving it to someone to pray over it for me in church..
I remember receiving my diploma with distinction, amidst applause from students, and the whole school, and the African community giving me an award, telling me I'd done them proud. I remember my colleagues and classmates looking at me like I was a miracle, they couldn't comprehend it.
I remember calling madam n telling her the good news, and telling her thanks so much, and she was so stunned that she cud have that effect on someone else..
I discovered what I like doing, and landed my dream job, earning millions, and everyone in my family, and around me knew I was able to stand on my own...I could travel wherever, and do whatever...
I remember people using my whole life story to illustrate that life does not give you what you deserve, it gives you what you demand, and hold with the power of your mind.
It illustrated that you can get whatever you want in life as long as you do not give up. I remember the joy I felt as success after success just began pouring into my life, as if the heavens just opened, whereas the blessings had already been there, they were just waiting for me to open the door.....
Gotta go, madam is rubbing my stomach again, she needs serious spanking.....wink wink

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Yeah I'm back,got too many things on my mind......had wahala with the madam, basically its over, yeah. Dnt get it wrong, it had happened before but trust me, I was trying to look for reasons and do damage control.....lets just say my instincts told me there was a reason apart from what she mentioned and I was right.......I did blame myself, I was an ass, but well, I gotta just press foward and focus on the koko(graduation and excessive cash), painful sha ,cus men I neva lurved b4, but.....I don't wanna quote Eminem here...
So I'm thinking about so so many things, learning d lessons, tryina 4get the details..Well I will make myself better n improve.....and still keep my self respect. Cus I knw peeps who do worse..some very hurtful things were said, by her, and by me also, hey, when I screw up, I admit it men, I dont claim holy...but some of those things that were said by her hurt like hell. Seems lyk relationships for me only work if I want a short term thingy,then most of the stuff which made me an ass wouldn't have occurred cus I wudn't give a damn, but for serious relationships, issues, and gbege just come up.......anyways men, I still chop chicken and small wine for xmas, we gats to gyrate small....There were things said I shouldn't have said, and things done that I shouldn't have done..but I don't regret it happening, it was cool, funny, strange, and fun while it lasted,If I had a choice, I'd do it all over, so sweets, if u read this....its a pity u got ur mind set, and I cant force u, my previous attempts to beg u ended up with me being treated like a sure it was a matter of time b4 u brought out "Raid" pesticide.

Anyways on a lighter note, I found this tight video by a group called "Resonance", and its called "chinwe Ike", tight gospel jam, feel the video..

xmas post

Merry xmas to all. I am feeling quite lazy, but son of man just feels the need to write down something today. I'm at my bros place, thank Jah they have wireless, so I'm still connected to my lifeblood(The Internet). Todays bin cool so far, bin playin with my little nephews, I got some xmas presents, in the form of a cd holder, and some pjs..Am so thankful to God, cus I know back home, some pple are just celebrating xmas under bridges, so I am grateful to him, and the reason for the season(his son Jesus Christ).
I have had a lot of time to reflect over 2007. 2007 was a year of discovery, a year of love, joy, pain, and sorrow. One of those periods a person has to pass through, when he comes face to face with the darkness within, and faces himself, and battles it out, for change. A period when I met and maybe pushed away an angel, a period where lessons were learnt, when I learnt who I really was inside...
Now its xmas day, 2007. Your crazy nerd has spent 1 yr and 5 months in this foreign land......I am so different from the dude who stepped off the KLM flight from Nigeria, almost 2 yrs back.
God has brought me through so many things, loving me for me, teaching me lessons, bringing me through trials. Now I have finished all my coursework, including courses where pple fail and are held back. Now its just that I want to improve some grades (u know say Naija man be greedy man).
I know am gonna graduate from here early next yr, with a distinction hopefully, get to the next level, amen.
I am gonna enjoy this holiday cus when I get back to school, I am gonna work like I have never worked before, so I get out.
I gotta reach the top, its just my destiny. Heck, I already at the top, I'm just securing my inheritance...
Then I just pray God helps me meet the one special person, and make all the hurt Ive caused go away.....

I got stuff for 2008, but I will leave that till then.

Merry Xmas everyone.......make I try out em pyjamas....oh I 4got, its just about hitting 12 noon....lolz

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Omo men, enough things have been happening to son of man, e no easy. Firstly I am doing this thesis of a thing. In this school, you cannot afford to ask foolish questions of your supervisor, make in no think say you be mumu, so most times, we are just in the dark, or basically, we are forced to think for ourselves. I guess its good training.
Well sha, son of man has his issues, I gotta think about making extra cash, sorting out my life, planning where I wanna be after this, etc.
As per the cash, I found out the money the school was payin for tuition and the cash I am getting for my thesis isnt enough to pay rent and tuition combined together. Imagine them, awon ole(tiff), they r deducting more than they give me, and making out the extra as "Health Insurance", shey dem tell me say I get sickness? I be african man now, I no fit sick. So I am in negotiations to work out something, like a job, etc.
I had a sort of arrangement with my coordinator but the man don tire, in don transfer to another school, so son of man dey on in own.....
Xmas is coming, and like always, all I can say is that men, make all this festivities be gotten over with and all. I desperately need a haircut, but the clipper wey I bring from naija don spoil, now I resemble animal.
Paying the price for what you wanna achieve ain't easy, Last nyt after a hard days work of coding, I felt a bit low, esp as I had seen just 2 digits in my acct. I now hollaed one of my boiz in naija, men the guy dey inside party, dem dey blast "yahooze", damn, I wanted to just quench, bros dey kill his ass on top foreign Msc, and guys dey baraje somewhere. Anyways sha, its all good.
About my relationship or whateva, well sha, its on hold for now, I've tried all I can, and its takes 2 to "tongolo". I'm here whenever she needs me, but I got to sort out my own ish. All I am doing now is trying to be responsible and stay outta trouble. I have just been turning down invites to shine congo, of course its "pay as u go", but well I gotta be responsible, but e no easy, serious aggro dey hook the son of man, and no be book go warm person for this winter season.
Anyways sha, Jah go everyly support his own, he is faithful, so nuthin dey happen.
Its good to hustle hard like Nas said, and neva give up.....and like a person dear to me once told me..."its when ure close to the finish line that it seems tougher."
Anyways, I know its just gotta work out, everything good just has to come my way...thats the way it is.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


This is just a short overview of stuff thats been happening anyways. Today , my partner and I finished the second part of that crazy compiler construction assignment, this is thanks to waking up at crazy hours and working like dogs, but we are done. Now it is certain that your friendly neighborhood nerd is gonna graduate next year. I got this weakness when It comes to solving problems and projects. Yeah, the great eficco i.e me, has a weakness, and its that I get intimidated when I am faced with a large project, then I get anxious and panicky, but the thing is that somehow I always pull through, I dont know why. I was walking around in my room, and I stumbled across a universal principle which I will share with you.

The thing is that in this world we live in, we got principles that have been tested over time, and the principle is that if I want to move from A to B, and I take steps to move me 4ward each day, I must (MUST) eventually reach my destination. I heard this like a voice in my mind, and I was agonizing over the snail-like speed at which my project was moving. So I am gonna just relax, and put in steps everyday to make sure I move 4ward, now I know I'm gonna leave here next yr...YAY!
Now enough of the deep yarns, well whats being happening, I'm trying so hard to get my madam back, this is someone I had this deep spiritual connection with, so bad that when I felt it was broken I lost control and fell into the lowest pit of human depravity, anyways Im trying to get her back.....I talked to Jah about it, and asked him for wisdom to do the right thing, and I am sure he has done it. I feel so cut off and detached, its crazy, but sha God na your eye we dey look.

They have paid me for my thesis both for November and December, so thank God I can pay my rent, and do my laundry for the first time in 3 week (Abeg no laff oh!) . Also today it seems as if I was destined for a lot of revelations, cus I attended this lecture by a prof from MIT called Ken Morse and he stimulated my mind with so many ideas. I feel now my life has a direction and I know where I am going, and I can feel now that my life is gonna be different, and I won't just be another flash in the pan. Anyways Xmas is coming around soon, and I have no plans yet, maybe to go chill at my Bros place, and all, then new year, I would still be at my Bros place and then Later I will go to some friends place and then chop his turkey....
Anyways men, whatever will be will be, and God will bless us all.....

Saturday, December 8, 2007

just there

I want to write this before I go hunting for dodo in the Arab shop...Men, a lotta stuff has been happening in my much that I cannot even begin writing em here, since people know who I am an what my blog is about. Lets just say that I recently broke an Iron clad principle of mine, and Its difficult for me to 4give myself, but anyways sha. What about the madam? Well lets just say that I don't know, really men, I'm just in a crazy state right now......
Anyways sha, what else has been happening? My thesis project is moving along slowly and steadily, and I guess Gods bein tryin to make me cool down and not panic when I look at the sheer amount of work facing me, Instead I just gotta break it down and take it little by little. Its December, and I have spent over a year here, omo son of man wants to just graduate and move on men...
A lot of things disturb me about the future, the thing is that I am good academically (Haters, na you sabi), and Im also good in the field.....and the choice is whether to think of a PhD or just go and work, of which I got very nice offers.
The thing is that while having a "Dr" title appended to your name sounds realli realli cool, I aint sure about spending another 4 years away from Naija.....and I want cash, cold hard cash, and Im not ashamed to say it. I also want to like start up a company and other ish, and get married in like 2 years , yes now, agro is not good oh!! In this white man land, if u get full tank and you no fit unload, men you go do some kin things.
Another thing is the lonliless you feel here, even though people say you might get used to it, but I'm a social person, and that has been hard for me to adjust to. Imagine waking up in the morning and looking at the four walls of your room, no one to talk to except God, and everyone around you is carrying their own cross, and thinking , "Öh crap, I have to write code."
I also dont want to be a stranger in my own land......I dream of lekki mansions, hummer jeeps, and carrying my girlfriend/fiancee/wife to watch Jazzman olofin, p-square, and Night of a thousand laughs. Am I crazy...nah, just a realist, who knows what he wants. I'm scared I might do the academic thing, maybe when I get a distinction here, I might get pressurized into doing it, I might lose my chick (if I havent lost her already) cus she might want to get married and all, and 4 years of my life go just go like that, ontop kpali, and on the other hand, I don't want to be thinking, hmmm na wa oh, " Dr " in my name sounds nice.
Anyways sha, for now, I have chosen the way of getting a job and seeing what life has to offer. I gots to get pepper, thats the main koko. If you need inspiration, just listen to Akon (The sweetest girl), and hear what he said abt cash... :-)
Yeah, I know cash can't buy happiness, but this eficco here knows that its better being unhappy in a Mansion, and feeling the blast from a samsung AC on your body, watching Television from your new Phillips Aurea TV, than for you to be unhappy inside one face me I face you, at the mercy of PHCN, and living in a room close to the public toilet which no one flushes.
Anyways, I gotta go and shop. My scholarship guys are messing up again, and the monthly payment for my thesis hasnt come in, so I better go and buy beans and plaintain (thank God for arabo), so son of man no go starve.
Safe y'all.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Little by Little

Its being a while and so I decided to simply drop a note, to people who do ( or not) visit my page. I feel that I am making slow and steady progress winning the battle over some of the issues that have being plaguing me, even the buried ones.
After my relapse last week, I was literally chilling in my cafeteria (since It was pretty cold ) feeling down and a friend came online, and I just talked about some of it, and the friend told me what I had suspected....that I simply thought too much. So I decided to take things easy on me, and just pray to God that things work out.
I have also learnt to speak to myself, and just convince myself to take things easy. I also look back at all the things God has done in my life up till this point, and well I thank him also. Sometimes I wake up on a morning like today, and then I get these thoughts about issues and depressing ish trying to crowd my mind, but then I simply begin to speak to myself, telling myself that all this is for a short while, and that I will look back over all these so called issues, and laugh over them.
I am discovering a lot of things, one of which is that one cannot have all the answers to every question, which is why we aren't God anyways...Its another thing I am working on, because I have a very curious mind.
Anyways I know that by his grace I am slowly and steadily climbing up the stairway to success. About my woman, you ask? Well we are fine, all relationships, (especially ours since it's pretty unique) have their share of ups and downs, but we pretty much dialog and sort things out. I'm learning not to worry and well I am expecting the best. Now I gotta go and review some papers for my final thesis.
Cheers everyone!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

I'm tired of me

Yeah you heard that.....thats the title of this post......and I mean what it means.
Now let me let it all out and explain, because I'm gonna pray about it right now, but anyways... Theres something I have been struggling with, and its not any weird addiction or any bad thing so don't worry. Its a personality thing in me, like anger for instance (but its not anger) and the thing is that I just discovered it this year, with someones help.
Since I discovered that thing about me, Ive tried to combat it. Ive prayed, fasted, and all that. I try to think positively and channel my mind towards other things, but no, it surfaces after sometime and all that. And the thing is that it doesn't just affect me, but it affects others around me.
I try so hard , and get so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter (Linkin Park).
I'm tired of rising , and falling, and I am tired of me.
Ive asked myself why I'm this way, but self pity won't help, I just wish I knew when I was gonna change.....and oh, I have bin on this for like months now, and I am just tired.
My spirit tells me to keep on , and not to give up on me, and that things are going to be better, but it doesn't look or seem that way.
I had people I cud talk to about it, but even they are tired of me and hearing about it from me, and even the people it affects aren't even happy when I make baby steps of progress, cus its like I'm taking one step fowards, and two steps back....
I am all alone with myself here, and it's like everyones telling me, "ÿeah deal with it". The bad thing about this is that its standing in between myself, and the best thing ever happening to me. Its potentially dangerous and could destroy my happiness, and I know it, and am combating it, but it's like am not making any progress.
I need help, please God help..
Anyways, on a lighter note, my clubbing experience yest was nice, I entered a naija club in Amsterdam, and was dancing "Kolomental", I love being one like us, we d bomb!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Well, a lot has been happening to me since my last post. It's been okay, so far so good and we thank jah for his mercies. A significant event happened, I am or sorta in a situation, and there was a time I had to ask God if I should go foward or back out totally. I had told him that if he himself didnt stop me then I wasnt gonna back out....and there was a time I thought he had shut the door, and that it was all over, only for things to resolve themselves in a miraculous way, which made my day.
So I'm still going foward, and I'm trusting what he said that "better is the end of the matter than the beginning".
Ok, enuff with the spiro yarns, men, lets see, I got my thesis project sorted out, cus men I need to graduate from here, and make cold hard excessive cash. If you think money is the root of all evil, men thats your problem. See and watch me while I blow dust in your face with my new Aston martin vanquish, with my woman in the passenger seat....yeah!! Lets see, oh, what has been happening to me of recent?
I was reading this cool book by my guy Brian Tracy called "getting rich your own way", and at a point in the book he asked us to write down three of the most important goals in our lives right now. I stopped and did that, and man, I must tell you I feel different.....its like I'm focused like a homing beacon. Anytime some other mad thot tries to mess up my head, I just think to myself........"Man, remember the koko, and focus, focus". Wait, it gets better. Brian now asked us to write down 100 things you would do or achieve if you have made all the money you want..he said doing that would attract our super concious minds, or something. Well I didnt know about superconcious, but since I believe I practicing stuff I read, I spent like 3 hours on that was a real eye opener for me, and a true test of how badly I wanted to get what I wanted.
A lot of people want to be rich, and reach the top, but for most its just a dream, cus they dont want it badly enough. If you can, stop reading and do the exercise, I dare you....write down 100 things you will do or achieve if you get the kinda cash you always wanted. My woman said she might only go past 20, but thats ok, cus part of the money will be spent making her happy, and maintaining the orobo figure. Lepa is a sign of poverty, and I bind any spirit of lepacitis around me in the name of ........ AMEN!!! 2007/2008 is my year of divine oroboprovision, and all my enemies moving against that should fall down by fire!!!
I bin getting interviews from companies for some part time work, but I haven't seen any to my taste, anyways men, jah dey, nuthin dey happen. My academics are going on well, and my baby persuaded me to take one course to occupy my mind when I was going through some depression, and I ended up blasting the course with 7, when everyone else was getting 6, and the prof wey dey take this course na hard man, so with this I was able to fill up my elective space on my study program. It's good to have an angel in your life.
Tomorrow night, I shud be clubbing in Amsterdam........don't worry nothings gonna happen (wink,wink)

Thursday, November 1, 2007

My Dream II 2020AD

"Sir the meeting is about to start", I glance up started out of my reverie. I watch my secretary close the door behind her. I relax in my leather swivel chair, and move around. In front of me I look at a picture frame of my wife and kids, and I ponder on how extraordinary my life is. Oh, I forgot my manners again, I am wavemasta, and I'm CEO of my own company, Genesys Solutions. We are an IT service provider, and consultancy firm, and the best in the business I might add. People used to think I was some wizard for my uncanny talent at solving real -life issues and problems, but now I'm way up in management, so I don't get to get my hands as dirty as I would like....
As the cool air from the air conditioner hits me, I cant help but look over my those crazy days when I was doing my MSc, and I had so many issues, coupled with the challenge of getting an extra job, and still managing to graduate with a distinction. I also remember meeting my wife in a most unconventional way, and having to deal with so many issues inside myself, I remember feeling torn apart when she said she was leaving, and having to put myself together....I remember taking a plane to see her, and staring into her eyes for the first time, feeling lost inside her dark eyes, and not knowing what to say to her...I remember not knowing if I was doing the right thing, but only having to listen to God leading me on a path I or others had never being on before.
Yeah, I had some crazy days...I remember the day I swore never to doubt myself, and believe in myself, and see myself as Jesus made me...I remember going for an interview and acing it so well, in spite of all the doubts the devil threw at my mind...
Yeah, it just goes to show that you can get anything you want when you hold on long enough, even baba God will be like "omo leave am alone".
I remember gaining the respect of the people in the company, and rising like a star to the top of my career...I remember earning cash, and visiting my chick, and rocking town with her and my friends....yeah I remember the joy that comes with enjoying the fruits of your labour.
I remember the devil trying to take my life and steal my joy, and telling me the darkness wouldn't end. I remember him telling me I'd never be happy, and that I would always sabotage myself, and push away those things or people that really mattered to me...but look at me now....CEO of my own company, married to her, rocking my life well....I can go where I want , where I want, without any embassy's wahala.
I remember those times back then, wondering how I would cope, asking myself what I was doing in that country where people pronounce 'G' as if they were spitting from their throats....
I look back to when God told me I was unique, and that I wasn't expected to accept limits placed on me by society, religion, or anything, and that I had to break free from tradition to be who he made me... I remember feeling cool with myself writing that vision down, but the pain and agony I felt during the transformation into that person...
I remember standing up my family and them respecting me whether they liked it or not, I remember them respecting my decisions, and my stance on issues, and I remember how good I felt...
I remember how people used to ask me how I got so confident, and what I had going for me, and I'd just say na Jesus...
Ok yeah time for my meeting, gotta run now, I will talk about some other memories later.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Long thing, strong thing

Ma peeps, whats up, no long thing, strong sorrry, Dbanj has been corrupting me and all that. Well I havent been so motivated to update my blog and all, but well a lotta things have been happening, since I wrote "eye of the storm". I discovered that if ure in the middle of a storm, omo men waka comot from the storm oh, take shelter!!! Ok sha, seriously, Life is too short, and whatever will be will be, so men dont kill urself. Now After a lot of thinking about my future and what I would do when I graduate, I placed my CV in a very "strategic" spot, now I got companies calling, me telling me they got interesting vacancies for me.
I just had to tell them that Im doing my thesis right now, so If they can wait till next year, no probs men.
Yesterday was also good, I got a call from a global company, with a branch in naija, which everyone in naija would kill to work for....and my partner(lab-partner oh!), and I finished the first part of the deadly compiler construction assignment, and this course is one that has held back even some of my indian mentors, so we thank God for his grace.
Well things are happening, I am looking foward, determined to face my life squarely, and all that. Its based on a conversation I had with God......I pulled out a chair, and made the old man sit down,while I yarned him some seriously deep koko. No, I did pull out a chair. The old man and I yarned about a lot of things, which I aint gonna talk about, except one of them had me feeling like something had been ripped out of me this morning. Well I have asked him for the strength to do what has to be done, thats if he wants me to make some crazy choices.........damn, Im rambling again.
You know one thing about this place is that I have been waking up at some crazy ass hours, like 11.30. I used to feel guilty till I found out that my greek partner has bin doing the same thing.
Cmon, I almost worked meself into the ground last year, so son of Jah needs to enjoi.
I was complaining abt the loniless here, to someone, and the guy was I should go look for a chick......I was like, well I didnt want to take advantage of anyone, and he's like, dude, some pple want to be used.......that touched a raw nerve inside me, for reasons I wont mention, but its crazy, but maybe he had a point, I dont know.
Anyways sha, God, dey, Im moving foward, nuthin dey happen, no long thing, long thing, strong thing.(I think I need help)

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Eye of the storm

In the eye of the storm, Raging all about me,
My most precious treasure about to be torn from me,
My enemies seem to chortle with unholy glee,
Still I stand calm and determined.
I cry to God, and listen to my spirit,
Telling me to hang in and not give in to it,
Telling me the mountains are gonna become like plains,
And that all the obstacles are gonna disappear.
God Im stumbing in the dark, without any illumination,
Wondering if Im still using my full mental constitution,
God, Am I doing the right thing, I ask?
Press on, the inner voice tells me back.
Devils and Doubts speaking to my head,
Telling me my desires will not be granted,
That I will always be supplanted.
Telling me that once again, that inner fabric of me shall be rendered.
God, to your perfect will I have surrendered,
Determined to hold on to the very end,
Through thick or thin, and whatever mountain,
Still I will hold on and keep on fighting,
Never quitting, and strength undying,
Cus I know I must keep holding on,albeit all alone,
Even in the eye of the storm.

I wrote this to describe my present situation, unfortunately, I cannot give any details, except that what I consider the best thing ever in my life, seems about about to be taken from me. I am still keeping on till the end, and fighting on, hoping against hope........

Friday, October 5, 2007

I am hunched in front of a PC in my lab, thinking of what to type........wondering what to type, simply cus I havent typed anything in a long time.
Well I first gotta say I am extremely grateful to God, that I am alive. The gift of life is something we should never take for granted. To just wake up in the morning is a blessing on its own.
Right now, I am in a stage in my life that could be described as a lull....... Im making progress little by little which is a good thing. My financial problems were solved, thank God, now I am my former self. In 2 weeks time, I should have finished all my electives, aand then I will just have 1 course left, before I can claim freedom.
Im still looking for a final project in a company though, but Im confident things will pan out.
All I know is that this whole studying abroad thing has bein so good for me, Ive being stretched, and I think Ive matured in all areas of my life............its amazing what can happen to you when you are far away, and all alone by yourself.
Right now, Im working on myself and my relationship with my babe..........weve come through a lot together, and faced a lot of challenges..........I feel shes the one, and hope so, but well, Gods the centre of my life right now, so whatever he says, I submit.......
Ahhh shit (I said that to let u know say my leg still dey ground), I feel tired, I am gonna watch some movies, and all......
I havent gone clubbing in ages, I should go out after my exams, so far, things are going on great, Im alive, and well, I got a lot to thank God for.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Its been a while, a long while. Lots of stuff have been happening, you all know I lost a friend a while back, committed suicide.....RIP man, though there was another way.
Lets see, we are in a new academic year, Im trying to finish the rest of my courses, my girlfriend keeps nagging me to succeed. What else, Im fighting spiritual wars in my head, its like im being bombarded from all sides, and I cant say anything cus I dont want to be thought of as mad,(happened yest), I had to go into my prayer closet and pray like mad.
Yeah I am still hunting for a thesis project in a company. All of a sudden I am tired and I want this bloody program to be over. In fact, ehn, let me not talk. The place is lonely, but well I got God for company. Like I said I am not spiro......wasn't born to do the whole I dont do this, touch this, wear this, etc, but I believe in Jesus, and I follow him as an individual, not imitating self-righteous freaks.
Went to look at a company today, and while they were doing some nice stuff, it wasnt exactly what I was looking for. Ehen, today at the train station, I saw this naija woman, who I knew earlier, the one who made us install XP on her system some time back, whose kids speak both dutch and their native language. I wont mention her tribe so that people dont crucify me, but nna men, you guys can take a guess.
Men as I was speaking to her, I just realized she had pancaked herself men, pancake to the max. Im sure she would have given the late stella obj, a run for her money. Her face was like a mask, totally a different color from the rest of her body. I was supposed to be talking to her, but all I could say in my mind was hey, na ojuju be this?
Please ladies, if you wanna attract men, painting ur face like a masquerade wont attract guys oh! (But if she has some structures, well I might decide to bypass the mask..........oops I got a chick....just remembered)
Im retaking a course I passed last year, just to improve the grade, and Im doing the first assignment, and wondering, why I decided to stress myself.....
Im wondering that if my relationship crashes(which it wont), Im gonna lock myself up inside and never let anyone in again....
What else? The african party will soon be over, its holding this saturday, soon I wont need to be running around collecting contributions.
Whew...well I have nothing more to say....I got rice, and chicken, soooooo I am off to wack.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

akom proverbs

Those of you who read my blog would remember my erithrean friend who I have christened akom, cus thats how he pronounces akons name. I have decided to write a bit about some of the funnythings hes said and done .........enjoi

Today: wavemasta is in the lab and trying to do assignments on sunday afternoon. Next thing he hears celine dion(my heart will go on) playin in the background.

wavemasta: No, No, not celine dion! Shes the last person I need to hear right now

akom: you dont like it?

wavemasta: No.

akom: I want to marry her, but shes married to an old man.

friday night party:

akom: Hey are there free girls at the party?

wavemasta: No, leave me abeg

akom: We must see lots of girls

Now in the party, im dancing, and just chilling out, next thing, like a ninja, akom appears beside me.

akom: I wanna dance with you

wavemasta:(moving away from akom sideways faster than usher+micheal jackson ) WTF?

akom: Let me dance with you

wavemasta: I think the girls are right in front of you.....(He cudnt have been drunk cus the beer
was diluted)

Friday night in the lab

We are all discussing, me, a friend from kazakhstan called V, and my bolivian friend M. And of course akom.

akom: V I have been waiting for you.

V: why?

akom: I am in love with a girl from kazakhstan, and you are the only one who can introduce me.

V: Who is she? Is it the one in first year?

akom: yes it is, I like her

V: Sorry, shes married and has a 3 year old son.

at this point, everyone begins laffing at akom, and you could see his expression change.

Gosh, this was the same dude we psyched that the beef he was eating one time was snake meat and that if he eat it he would grow in wisdom.......

Right now as im typing Ive psyched akom that im a muslim (no offence to my Islamic brothers), and that my muslim name is Ahmed.........ok now I really need to work. you rock!!

Conversations in an elevator

After eating free food at a church barbeque, I went to check on my chinese brit friend.......K. So I got to the complex, and made him get his lazy ass downstairs, to open the door. So we began gisting and all......I didnt feel like going back home, and all that, esp as it would have looked so depressing. We were discussing my finances, and then he mentioned asking B for help. When he made that suggestion, I offered to use him to disprove the law of gravity by throwing him off a building like in galileos experiment. He then replied......."Im a christian, so Im immune to gravity."(obvious joke by mel gibson in the family guy)
We were inside the building at this time, and were about to step into an elevator, and I was like "Its like saying, I dont belive in death since im a christian, and Jesus rose from the dead", which of course dosent work.
We entered the elevator and our conversation went thus:

K:Look the church has been obstructing science for a long time.

Me: Oh please they were really weird people

K: yeah but they were still church

Me: They must have had some weird brain function, caused as a result of celibacy, and lack

By this time the chick in the elevator was staring at us with an incredulous look on her face, she wanted to laugh, but I think she was just being polite.

K: So youre saying that the church did what they did because they werent getting laid

Me: yes

Ok,by this time. the woman began laughing, and K and I got off the elevator and hi5-ed each other. That was just a lil bit of messing around, nothing special.

But seriously men, seriously, I think not getting any over a period, might be detrimental to one's health.........hey cmon, Im only kidding!

Oh and I got this picture off the net, and Im sure you all are gonna laugh when you see this:

The Caption is African Ipod.....LOL

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

A new academic year has begun.....yaaay!!! But men, anyone thinking that studying abroad is a piece of cake........think again.........its not.
It seems im always goin thru a rough spot, but I guess none of you checked their acounts and saw negative, and my scholarship pple are refusing to pay, or are dragging their feet, which ever one. Thank God I just have a couple more months to go before I leave this place.
Like a friend of mine said and I quote "If my daddy wants a phd, then he should do it himself!"
Also, I had a bit of a tiff with my gf. Ive bin calling her, but its not been goin through.
Right now I have so many things goin on in my head............but I guess I have to be strong and positive, and believe that things r gonna work Goethe said "whatever dosent kill me makes me stronger" I have also began working on one of our notorious courses, I don tell the course say na me and am this semester, say nothing dey happen.
Its time for house fellowship. but I dont feel like being in the midst of spiro people, and listening to more depressing stuff from a manual, telling me things like the world is gonna end, etc. Yeah I know that the world is gonna end, and that the wrath of God will strike down all unbelivers cus this is holland and they have a red light district and blah blah (insert bored yawn here), but the best time to hear things like that is under the influence of a good glass of heineken (joke). Im trying my babys number again...............its not going.
I had to borrow some cash from a friend, to do my laundry after like 2-3 weeks, buy some milk so I can eat breakfast, and make some important girlfriend fone calls.........because using the laundry machines cost cash, and if ur account is in the negative like yours truly : ) well, fill in the blanks.
Now I was made the chairman of the african students comittee in charge of welcoming our new students, and I have to be thinking of crap like that, when I have more important issues to think about. Dont worry, I know what to serve them...........juice and groundnut, abi shebi most of them are from naija. They can chop anything.
My coordinator just told me he made an agreement with the scholarship guys, but he dosent know when they are gonna send the cash.
Chineke God, help thy pikin.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Another new year is about to start, we have plenty of new students from naija. I dont want to yab too much becus some1 might read this, but men I ask myself if the admissions guys deliberately went to one spiro long skirt wearing church, and picked out the plainest to come study here. I mean how come fine chix no dey come this side? Not that if there were any, Id do anything sha.
Well I was appointed a mentor, and all that, showing guys around, and on friday I am giving a presentation to new students in my department about my experiences in this school. Not bad at all.
So sha, the spiro crowd wanted to do their house fellowships in my crib. Since Im uncomfy having so many pple in my crib, I said no emphatically. But I changed my mind since they were all new, and most only knew my crib, but men next week, dem go find another venue. My reasons for not wanting my crib open to all and sundry was when one of our "sisters" found my copy of harry potter 7 (good book by the way, and screw all the fundies) and began asking me in one accusing tone that "men so u read harry potter" that was after yesterdays first (and last) fellowship session in my crib.
And I was like yeah, and its a good read, and my choice......
...she now told me that "I wan die be that" then I ignored her and left. If u wanna be closed minded and all....fine.....but please dont infect me. One of the issues I found in me is a tendency to be judgemental, and that comes from hanging ard such people.
The other dude who organized the fellowship didnt make any attempt to help clean up, and was telling me that at least they left me free food (which was true). Only one other dude came back to try and help but by then I was done with my ish.
Well sha, theres only one dude outta them who seems exposed and all........I wonder why these people make me so umcomfy.....maybe its cus me im a happy jolly rocker, and I dont conform to all these stiff spiro types.....anyhow na to get my kpali and comot, na dem sabi.
Well as to some major issues that have been bugging me....I did some soul searching and wrote down like 8 pages of what I thot was wrong with me, and the issues and how I felt I cud get outta this. Well God dey....
I also had an exam 9am in the morning yesterday, and cudnt sleep the nite b4, woke up at 4.35 in the morning, and cudnt go back to bed again.I did some reading , and lay in bed.
Anyways sha I blast the exam..I go gist una d results later.

Todays my mums bday.......happy birthday mum! Long life and prosperity. And the same goes to my peeps doing their thing today.....mamacita, and stavros......happy birthday to you too...

Now I gotta get back to work......

Sunday, August 26, 2007


I have nothing better to yeah Im blogging away.

I just wanna ask a series of questions that have to do with human nature in general...


Is it so easy for us to pass judgement on others but not ourselves?

Is it that when we do shit, we dont realize it can come back, and bite us in the ass, and affect our future and the ones we love?

Is it that we make excuses for ourselves when we screw up.....but mercilessly torture others for the same mistakes we made/make?

Is it that when we realize who we are and how we erred, it seems to take forever when we want to become better people?

Is it that its difficult to forgive and forget?(my fleshly nature)

Is it that, we live in a society where women are regarded as objects, and shes considered soiled if shes been "touched"?

Why do we who have to cast the first stones?

Is it that its difficult to let go of the past, even though you try, thoughts and images still come back and haunt you? And even when you cry out to Jesus, it still seems like forever till help shows up?

Why is it that when you think you are making progress, theres always one stumbling block across the way?

Is it that even when you know God says youre stronger than any obstacle that comes against wake up in the mornings with the same weight on your heart, and you still feel like shit?

Is it that sometimes when you feel like youve found something worth holding on to, and worth keeping, something youve been waiting for all your life..theres one comma attached to it? (Yeah we know nothings perfect)

Why does it seem that negative things manifest faster than positive things?

........Im still asking why....and no, I dont think too much.
Blogging dosent give me joy. The joy of blogging is when guys read your comments.......but screw them all........I started this for the sole purpose of airing my thots to the world. I had a friend over from the UK.....a very cool dude. T was one steady reliable guy,whom I rolled with back in those days. We kinda lost contact, but I remember chilling with him and some of our gang back then. He ran to the UK during my service year, and I think I remember thinking about how my life was gonna turn out, not knowing that my life would change very soon.
So T came over, and we had fun, we reminisced on how far God brought us since the days of hustling for 20 naira bread, or riski burger, just outside el-kanemi hall back in my lag days. I showed him round my school, and it was our introduction week for the new dutch bachelors students, and my friend commented on the fact that our jambite week in unilag was more fun than what they were doing over here. I remember youd come over to the faculty and hear people jamming like crazy, and see guys and chicks, and guys trying their best lyrics, and the chicks frontin like crazy....although u all know that since I am an eficco, I didnt have time for such (wink wink).
Yeah T and I rocked town, went out, eat in nice restaurants (no more 50 naira iyan from iya kukurats buka!...yessss!!!) , and just had a lotta fun........the pix are on my facebook, for all of you interested........Then we began discussing our pasts, and how things were back then. I felt I had issues, and I always used to talk abt em to people, but now T now began yarning abt his own stuff, and I couldnt believe that so much was going on in his head back then, and he would always look calm and unruffled. We also found out that each of us in our own little clique had issues, but I guess not everyones like me........talking about what pinches them.
We discussed our old dreams and all, and I realized that in trying to keep up with all the pressure here, and me evolving into a new person, I had forgotten my old dreams, and all. Talking to him ignited my fire and made me bring out my old dreams, and dust them up, and hang on to them again. Since hes running his own company, he hadnt had much of a vacation, and he also had stuff to talk about, so I guess we sharpened each other, as the good book would say. Its nice to have good friends, friends who arent perfect, but who are sane. People who are normal.
Now well Im ok and ready to roll.
What else........I decided that diving into God wouldnt make me a freak, since my friend wasnt a I finally surrendered my life .........totally, and yeah, I did it for other reasons I wont talk about here.
What else........well I miss my girlfriend like mad, and like crazy, and Im bored, which is why Im blogging, Its a typical sunday.......and I can feel God talking to me in my heart, telling me Im gonna excel, telling me that no obstacle is stronger than myself, and that I can get anything I want, if I just trust in him and be patient.
Damn......Im missing my chick again.............sharrap, all you macho fools, at least Im man enough to admit my emotions.......

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


I decided to write this, cus something funny happened to me today. During my unilag days, I had decided that bein an eficco (geek) wasnt gonna attract dem honeyz at all. If you had a four point something CGPA, that was for your own pocket.
So Id always nursed this secret desire to dance, and so I joined my fellowships dance group, thinking I would learn........lai lai, no one was willing to teach.
Na so omo boi begin dey watch usher and ginuwine, and I got one of my pallies, a guy named KNN to start teaching me how to pop and lock and breakdance. Men u wan try....I remember going to surulere to learn from one dude who was supposed to be the best.....ahh romeo.kudos to you....
Anyways sha, my group got this new dude called wande........this kid was good, this guy could dance mennnn, no be small. You should have seen him doing one man dances. And this kid was approachable. You could talk to him, and he wouldnt form. I remember having to go to newest hall to take lessons. Men those were the days.
He had problems then financially, and all that, and the fellowship dudes werent helping...I remember he had to wear a mask to do a solo dance of "get ur freak on", and I watched that dance instead of going for a fellowship meeting cus I was fed up with the whole thing........
Now fastfoward to today when Im watching the "move your body video" by dbanj, on youtube, and someone commented abt how wande could sing, and I was like.....woah woah, hold up..I knew this dudes face looked familiar, I watched it again, and yeah, it was the lil kid who used to give me lessons, and was struggling, and hustling back hes with Mo Hits records with dbanj and Don Jazzie, and he's now Wande Coal.......... I checked out his myspace, and heard some of his jamz.....realli nice...the boy has now tooshed up.....hes looking really fine, and im sure he's rocking well. It just goes to show that you should never look down on people, cus men you dont know tomorrow. Im sure he might have toasted some chicks back then who turned him down, but look at him now. I also saw him on another youtube clip with dbanj,and he was performing in America. This was some1 who was realli realli down..I wont get into details but I knew what he faced those days in unilag. Now God has helped him, and Im glad for him oh.
Talent........we all got it, and sadly, most of us seldom develop it. When we hear of talent, we think of being able to step like Michael Jackson, sing like usher, or beyonce, or write like sidney sheldon.....but your talent could be something as little as being able to comfort people, or your talent could be your smile, or to be able to write. I just discovered I could write poems, and I found it as a result of some shit I was going through, and I needed to express myself.
So to might not get to read this, but men Im proud of you, and for taking out time to teach an eficco like me how to do the crip walk, when others didnt have time for me.....It built up my confidence, and made feel good about me, and gave me more ballz to toast chix. Thanks a lot men. Cmon after I knew I knew I wasnt gonna get a first class anymore, omo boi had to enjoi himself now.....
So guys show wande some love........check out his myspace link here and here he is in this dbanj video "move ur body" singing beside Dbanj......and yeah his face is as black as Coal, lolz.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I'm thinking of a lotta stuff right now, I'm still searching around for a company where I can do my final thesis project . Ive gotten some possibilities, including one company located in one Godforsaken part of Amsterdam. I went there armed with a google map guide to the place, got down at the train station, then took a bus. On getting down at the bus stop, I was confronted with 2 things......firstly, the road looked so Godforsaken. Secondly, the road was one used by huge trailers. So every now and then, youd hear the sound of some dude tooting his horn, while driving at top speed.
I told myself, that If I was able to cross Oshodi road, Ikorodu road, and all those other roads, where guys go dey drive like James bond, and I didnt have an accident, then no be for this oyibo land wey strong tin go happen to me.
So well I entered the grass on the side of the road, and walked to the place. Men It was so long, and I was looking over my shoulder, to see if no trailer was coming behind me, and sometimes, some guys would pass by and look at me, sometimes Id imagine they'd be thinking.......see this black dude trekking on this road in a!
After a lot of getting lost, and swearing at these people for not putting their office in a comfortable area, I found the place, and was 30 mins late, but by then I didnt give a damn any longer. I wanted to bail earlier, but I thot of all the time I spent coming here, and so I just persisted in finding out the place. Imagine trying to pronounce some dutch street name, and then checking my map to see if it was the same, or if I hadn't missed a letter, and you will have an idea of how I felt.
On getting there, I was interviewed by some dude like 6 ft something, and long hair.
Why do geeks always gotta look so ...........geeky? (oh and Im also one BTW, so geeks reading this shouldn't vex)
One of the first things he told me was that "most pple found this place hard to find". Men I just no reply.
After the interview, he tells me that the walk back to the bus stop was gonna take me like 10 mins. I was like WTF? It took me like 20 mins. Well it turned out there was one pedestrian path I should have taken when I was coming to the office, but since I thought it was for guys coming from the opposite direction, son of man decided to risk his life walking on the side of the very busy road.......mennnn. And It did take me abt 10 mins or thereabouts.

Anyways I no dey work for that company abeg.........dem no get the kin pepper wey I need.....they told me that only one of the projects would involve them giving me "support" for having to go there everyday, and men I need more than just "support".
And nna men, the place just too far, abeg!
Well I got other options, so well lets see.

Yeah as an aside, please help me talk to my girlfriend. She has been infected by the disease called Lepacitis. She has been talking about losing weight. Me Ive been encouraging her to eat more akpu and bitterleaf soup, and pounded yam, but she wants to lose it. Can you imagine, please abeg make una help me beg am oh! I cannot imagine life without all those, er, er, nice big jiggly.....(note to self: see pastor for prayers and deliverance)
And I have been thinking of getting a tattoo, like seriously....Im thinking of putting an orobo......sorry Lion, on my shoulder, but I need ideas.
So guys........I need una advice oh!

PS Yeah I was seriously yabbed by my pally femi, cus of femi the rat, in my "legend of the 3 rats" wasnt nuthin personal, honest! (angelic expression)

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Thank you God

This post is dedicated to Jesus Christ, my lord and savior. Because I have been making headway in an area of my life that the devil had been running rampant in, and I was scared of facing this, because I didnt think I was strong enuff......I always hated mental wars,and it sucks when you are ur own worst enemy, but I believe im making progress, so to celebrate my changing into a better person, and all, I got this video to celebrate........and I love the hook by chobams.
Thanks to the special person God brought into my life, to show me where I was you baby.
I havent become "spiro", ohhhh, just giving thanks to whom thanks is due.
Ahhhhh jo jo jo, mo like Jesu gan , mo feran Jesu gann.
Enjoi the vid........and yeah , so what, I love fuji.


Monday, August 6, 2007

My Dream............2020AD

This post is inspired by my friend the genius. You know we all got dreams, and yeah, there seems to be a disparity between where we are right now, and where we wanna this is just for me......a sneak peak into where the future, where I see myself in the next 13 years.........oh, and yeah please if you are a hater or think Im living in fantasy land, just close this window and do something useful.

The DREAM.......2020AD

I stir on my double king-sized bed, the hum of the samsung inspire airconditioning system thrumming in my ears. I roll around and throw one arm across my wife, an unconsious alarm goes off......but Im too lazy to get out of wife gets up, and as she goes to the bathroom, I take a look at the figure, and thank God for making me like orobos.....:)
I go downstairs, and my kids are making noise. One of the twins is trying to play his game boy infinity, and at the same time, eat his kellogs. I put on my sternest daddy look, and tell him to stop, but he knows Im joking anyways.
My wife has a speaking engagement later that day, public speakings a hobby of hers....shes gonna drop of the kids at school, I gotta drive myself to work.
By the way....I live in Angel estate, somewhere in lekki........and my office is an hours drive away...
I hop into my aston martin (see above).........turn on the radio, and drive myself out of the driveway. I notice my neighbours staring at me with envy. If only they knew about all my mental issues with myself, and all, and how I used to be 13 years ago, maybe they might think its too steep a price to pay, for where I am now. Im gbaduing the latest naija hip hop jamz......this is by some new kid......rugged boy.........hes the son of rugged man, but hes still in school, kids got talent though. I smile as I remember Id be feeling guilty enjoing the guys jam years back.....religious brainwashing dosent cut it for me.....

I love to drive. I might have taken the subway, yeah subway....we now have one, after our new president revitalized the whole system. But well, cmon, I love my trips.
An okada man wants to cut in front of me.....I allow him to.....hes very respectful, at least now they all wear helmets, and protective clothing. Being an okada rider is actually now lucrative, and engaged in by mostly students for part-time jobs.
I pull up to my place of work, a huge skyscraper, Genesys towers ,which houses my company. We are a major IT outsourcing company in naija. We take on the dirty jobs no one else wants to take, and get paid good money. We are soon gonna announce our first IPO.....which would make yours truly a billionaire....yeah well you guessed it, I own this company. I look at myself now, and back then in 2007....didnt think Id ever have the balls to run myself, talk less of a huge company like this......
Well we make a lot of money but my wife and I put most of the money into our NGO, to provide scholarships for young people, esp women, since they are more vulnerable. We also have counselling sessions for them. Heck, we can travel anywhere in the world we want, do whatever we like, I mean , our honeymoon was in the its only fair we give back to society.
The gateman salutes me respectfully........I shake his hand, and ask after his kids, he replies with a sort of awed look on his face.......wish they wouldnt do that...
I enter our elevator......and get to my office.My secretary informs me I got a meeting with some chinese investors.....theres some hardcore technology they wanna put in naija, and of course they need me. My wife makes sure I dont have any orobo secretaries, these are all as thin as toothpicks. She knows I havent strayed at all, but she just wants to make sure......a woman thing I suppose....
We wind up the meeting, and I have to rush to my wifes speaking engagement, if I dont show up, then its fish for dinner, and you know I hate fish....
Im in the front row watching my baby talk, I think Im more focused on how delectable her lips look, than I am on her speech, even though I corrected it with her last night. At the end, everyone claps, and she steps down and gives me this hug.....I know Im not gonna get any sleep tonight (wink wink).
We both like to live like kids at times, so during her speech, Id already told Ali, our driver, to come drive the car home, and leave my kawasaki ninja X-version. This motorcycle is like wicked...and the speed in those engines is off the hook.....
So yeah I get on the bike, and shes behind me, holding me round my waist.....the scent of her perfume wafts towards me and Im reminded that even after 3 kids, I still got testosterone flowing inside me.....We put on our bike helmets and power home......
My wife has always been a bit of a speed freak, shed take okadas back in the times.....As I power down the roads, I realize Im living my dreams, and that God has really been good to me.......

Ok dream over......back to reality and the fact that Ive got a paper to hand in...lolz. Well I will leave you with the lyrics from gabrielles song "dreams".
I believe our dreams can come true, and we can achieve whatever we wanna with God by our side. Im writing this after a particular shitty day, so you can feel me.......

Move a step closer,
You know that I want you.
I can tell by your eyes that you want me too.
Just a question of time.
I knew we'd be together.
And that you'd be mine.
I want you here forever.

Do you hear what I'm saying?
Gotta say how I feel.
I can't believe you're here.
But I know that you're real.
I know what I want.
And baby it's you.
I can't deny my feelings,
Because they are true.

Dreams can come true.
Look at me baby I'm with you.
You know you gotta have hope.
You know you've got to be strong.

Dreams can come true.
Look at me baby I'm with you.
You know you gotta have hope.
You know you've got to be strong.

I've seen you sometimes on your own and in crowds.
I knew I had to have you.
My hopes didn't let me down.
Now you're by my side.
And I feel so good.
I've nothing to hide.
Don't feel that I ever could.

Do you hear what I'm saying?
Gotta say how I feel.
I can't believe you're here.
But I know that you're real.
I know what I want.
And baby it's you.
I can't deny my feelings,
Because I know they are true.

Dreams can come true.
Look at me baby I'm with you.
You know you gotta have hope.
You know you've got to be strong.

Dreams can come true.
Look at me baby I'm with you.
You know you gotta have hope.
You know you've got to be strong.

I'm not making plans for tomorrow;
Let's live for tonight.
I know I want you baby,
So hold me so tight.
Put your arms around me.
You make me feel so safe.
Then you whisper in my ear.
That you're here to stay.

Dreams can come true.
Look at me baby I'm with you.
You know you gotta have hope.
You know you've got to be strong.

Dreams can come true.
Look at me baby I'm with you.
You know you gotta have hope.
You know you've got to be strong.

Dreams can come true.
Look at me baby I'm with you.
You know you gotta have hope.
You know you've got to be strong.

Dreams can come true.
Look at me baby I'm with you.
You know you gotta have hope.
You know you've got to be strong.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Legend of the 3 rats

I have been thinking of putting up a post on this for some time, and well, since its like I have nothing to blog about, I will post this. Yeah Ive bin goin thru a weird patch in my know when you are growing, and changing, and old beliefs and mindsets are getting stripped away, and ure like.......woah..but well thats between me, God, and my peeps, and not for blogville.
Now back to my initial post, this was actually inspired by the movie "ratatouille", about a rat who can cook, but what people fail to realize, was that before ratatouille, in an old (not so) deserted town in Oyo state, there were 3 rats called femi, george, and louisa. I was an average omo boi, serving my nation (bein punished was more like it), and I just discovered that at night, I would hear weird noises, and all that. Of course I knew it couldnt be evil spirits (han han dem no dey fear face), but when I left a loaf of bread somewhere, and the next morning I saw bite marks on it, I knew I had rat issues. I think I had programmed that loaf of 20 naira bread for breakfast, and those vermin got to it before I did.
I remember talking to my Ibo friend val about them, and he gave me the inspiration for naming them.

Now, let the story begin.

Terrible Naija Films presents...
An oliver stoned movie......
directed by wavemasta

Legend of the 3 rats

Starring Kanayo O kaniyan as Femi

Rita Dominos pizza as Louisa

Ramsey "Tokunboh vehicle" Lower as George (at least Nollywood no go fit sue me)

Now once upon a time, in an abule far, far, away, there lived 3 rats, femi, george, and louisa. One day out of hunger, and frustration, they stumbled into corper wales room, or kitchen and were amazed. They eat and eat, oh, and went away the first time.
I now decided that I would use my hard earned corpers allowie to buy indocide. I remember the pain I felt, when I sacrificed some precious garri (chei, the pain), to mix with indocide, to kill the lil bastards. I can imagine them finding it the following night, and having this conversation.

Femi (ringleader, and bad-ass rat) : Mennnn see garri ohhhhhhh, guys the mugun has dropped food, mey we lem tight!

george (the geek rat) : wait lemme run an indo-scan on this garri. George brings out a portable device and scans the garri....

george: shit men! theres poison inside....

Louisa (scared female rat) : Im pregnant, lets go away, this is bad for the baby

(Imagine oh, dem wan born pikin for my flat).

Femi: Men all of you are cowards, screw you all, Im staying.

(Louisa and george depart, never to come again.)

So as you viewers can infer, my battle was now with femi. Men that was one bad ass rat. I spent my time in the teachers staff room , trying to come up with strategies to defeat femi. One night I bought dodo. I had priced the thing men, price am well well, and I brought it to my house, and left it in ma kitchen.
Next morning when I saw it, I saw femis signature on my plantain. Chei, I vexxxxed no be small, I threw the bad part away, and chopped the good part. Abeg no yab me, you know na NYSC and all that. Another time, I put the bread on my chair, thinking femo no go reach there. Lai Lai. The next morning , I kan see say femo don strike. It might have been louisa, cus well she was pregnant (lol), and we all know how pregnant females can get.
I then consulted with another Ibo friend of mine, uche. She advised me to put my stuff in a nylon, and then hang it on a nail on the wall. I felt good, that, yeah , this night, femo go hear wein.
Na so I hang bread inside black nylon for the wall. Next morning, my bread was fine. Praise God, I hear you say? Nahh just wait. One day I hung plaintain, using the same method. Na so I begin hear noises at night. I heard noises coming from my nylon, which was suspended by a nail on the wall! I hit the nylon, and there was silence. The next morning, I saw that femo and company , had chewed through the nylon, and chewed my prime dodo. This was probably what happened.

scene 2 (Rat terrorist headquarters)

Femo: Men corper wale has developed a new technique for hiding his grub. Louisa needs food for her babies. (na excuse oh, femo no send louisa, na only himself in dey look)

george : I have developed a new set of boots for climbing walls together with night vision goggles.

femo : ok george, I go execute the operation, ehn, make una just wait here...

femo: (thinking) mugun rats, na only me go chop everything menn wait here oh, una hear?

So thats prolly how my plantain got attacked.
I remember most of my friends would laff their heads off when I told them about my terrorist attacks. One of my friends heard a noise and asked, and I replied in an offhand manner, that that was just femi. When I explained who femi was she laughed and laughed and asked me if I had laid out his food for him.

But men e get time when femi begin overstep in boundary.
I love to cook meat and all, and when I cooked my obe ata (soup), Id put it in the kitchen. My "kitchen" was an unused bathroom, with an unused toilet, both of which were covered, so my kerosene stove was resting in the place where the bathtub was meant to be. I would hear femi moving pots and pans inside, and would feel to lazy to get up, cus I made sure I didnt leave anything for femi. Imagine, he eat my yam, my bread, my plantain, han han....
One day when I discovered femi had graduated to stealing my meat, was when I just saw the guy doing mission imposible pirated version......he entered one of my empty(Thank God) pots, with the cover on oh........this rat could open the pot covers.
So with shock and horror, I saw femi open the pot cover, enter the pot, and come out in one smoooth motion, and thats prolly when he saw that the pot was empty. Then Id open my pot and see some rat dung inside.........chei men I suffer for NYSC oh.

The last and most dangerous thing wey femi do me na to make me ill. I went to Ibadan shortly after my passing out parade, and I had already cooked some stew and left it in the house. And I spend 2-3 days in IB and came back to my house to find out that femi had attacked my stew. I saw rat droppings inside and all . Now instead of me to just leave the thing, or throw it away, what did your hungry corper do? Yeah u guessed right, I removed the "bad" part, and heated the good part on my stove, and used it to wack rice.
Lets just say that buscopan and I became very very good friends for like 1-2 weeks. And I had this church program I had to attend, men running stomach no good oh.
Later on mumsie told me that rat droppings are poisonous and I might have died.....but well God saved me and I am here.
Well what happened to femi and the rest........omo men I no know, they prolly are torturing some poor soul right now.......


Wednesday, August 1, 2007

One Year

This post might end up being short, since some people have complained that my posts are "too long" (whatever that means). Today is a special day for me. Why? Because by this time today, last year, I had just arrived in this obodo country having being picked up from the airport, wondering how I would survive in this land. And yesterday last year, I said bye to naija , and boarded a KLM flight how time flies.
Now a whole frigging year is gone, and a new set of "prisoners" are being ferried in today, heck, they are probably in their rooms, wondering the same thing I was wondering last year.
All I can say is that time really does fly, so we should be judicious in our use of it.I was lookin at my bible yest, and I saw the date I wrote on it......August 2005, and I was like......woah.......this is now 2007, but I still remember when I bought that bible, and I still remember 2005. Then I was in the bush, doing something called NYSC, and wondering how my life would turn out, and now, Im in oyinbo land. I guess I gotta lotta things to thank God for.
Now one year don go, thank you Jesus. Now dear God, please give me the grace and power to endure for another year. Let my mind be so occupied that I dont have time to think depressing thoughts or worry myself over nonsencical, trivial issues. Let the time fly so that before I say anything, august 2008 don land.
By this time next year, son of man must be ready to enter some mega company wey dey pay cold hard excessive cash.
I am not an eficco for nuthin, pepper suppose rest for man.
Safe y'all.

Saturday, July 28, 2007


Hey todays my birthday..............Im so so grateful to God for allowing me to see another year, its not been easy. Some pple slept in their beds yesterday and all, and didnt wake up, but your friendly neighbourhood crazy nerd is here, and its just by the grace of God. And also, in 3 days time, it will be exactly one year since omo boy departed the shores of naija, via klm into the unknown, not knowing what the future would hold. Mennn this life sef, we cannot fathom or understand it, its just in Gods hands. I hear someone asking me how old I am, and Im like............."A year older." A typical naija reply. I never knew how my life would transform and all, just by coming here, I have grown ,and found out stuff about myself I didnt know existed.
Anyways enough of the philosophical yarns. Im sure pple would want to know what went down with me today. Well I went to my friend G's room. G is from east africa, and he has just finished his masters program. I went to G's room to pick up some stuff, and basically G began yarning about his favorite subject.......... yeah you guessed it....chix. Basically G has a fiancee and all, but sees nuttin wrong in bonkin everythin in skirts. So after G began telling me about another east african chic he'd bin bonking, who was also engaged my blood began to run cold. Next thing, G began yarning about one chick who had someone back home, as in a husband oh, officially. G was like this chick was just bonking around, and the hubby supposedly flew over here for her graduation. I hate hearing stuff like that, cus well a select few will know that Im undergoing a transformation process so that I can view the females with a nice normal eye. I am tired of pple telling me that women cannot be decent, and that given the right circumstances, they can cheat. G is like "men dont say so and so cannot cheat, cus men u dont know what can happen".
Anyways G tells me about a carnival taking place in rotterdam, and since I needed to change my environment and get outta here fast, I accepted his invitation, and your crazy nerd sprayed his Armani perf (yeah u know I dey represent), and we went to the carnival.
The carnival was so so cool. A lot of music, a lot of chicks, dancing, shaking, gyrating. All sizes, and all shapes, and all colors. Lepa, orobo, black, white, mixed race, etc, it was too mush, (quoting lord of ajasa). Men we saw so many things, that cant be described, all I can tell you is that Im sure you wouldnt want your daughter shaking like that in a custume on the streets, lol.
Next thing, G and I entered into another chicks discussion again. Now yeah I know say I be eficco, and I sabi somethings. Some people even dey say that I be ekun. (but well thats their own), but men I also love Jesus like it or not, and yeah I knew I wanted outta the whole game. Cus it was so senseless. Just random screwing, without any meaning, so I had made up my mind that by Gods grace oh, I should just make my money, and get a wifey, so I can do all the naughhty things I like to do......legitimately.
G was just laffing at me and telling me that look, hes 10 years older than I am and has seen things. He told me, hed seen pastors, ministers, basically screwing around like mad, and that I was speaking from a theoretical point of view. He was telling me that he deals with the practical aspect, and that when it came to software, and programming, and mathematics, that yeah I could definitely say that 1+1=2. But that in real life, I couldnt say that cus stuff could always happen. He told me I should just pray to God that please oh abeg, dont let me do this. Cus he was like, you can just find yourself doing stuff you never imagined.
I chewed on this for a moment, and I realized that even though I mightnt agree with him on all fronts, this dude did have a point. You cannot say for certain that, yeah Im not gonna do this, or that, cus we are all human, and stuff can happen given the right conditions. I remember doing stuff that I never thot I could do or imagined I could do. I remember finding out that the real world was much different than what you read about in a xtian book or head from someone. Its realli crazy. I remember having so many problems with xtianity and all , cus people never talk about the human side of things, they simply make you feel guilty about stuff, that they do and enjoy.
So well I saw things from G's point of view. I mean just imagine yourself, a man, you just had a fight with your wifey, you go for a drive in your Ikoyi estate, then you see this hot mamacita, that you knew had the hots for you, and you guys had bin kinda close. You pull over, and talk to her, she asks you if things are ok. You drive over to her place, she pours you a drink, and listens to your problems. You bow your head from sorrow, she drops the drink shes holding and comforts you, then you raise up your head and kiss her, clothes come off and all, and yeah you do the math................
10 mins later, you are like OMG, WTF did I just do? yeah you heard, you just cheated on your wifey. Damn, shit happens. Next thing you know you get sucked in. She shows you attention , and listens to you and shit gets deep, and yeah you choose to ignore the lil voice inside you telling u you gotta stop this.....
Sometimes we human beings have our heads so far up in the clouds that we forget that its only the grace of God that keeps us safe, and that things can happen. I am not endorsing wrong behavior, Im just saying that we should remember that when we point one finger at someone, 3 fingers are pointing back at us.
Before you judge someone, Mr pastor, holy person, or an average person like me, put yourself in this persons shoes, and ask yourself..........What if it was me? what would I have done?
I had this problem, and God just showed it to me, and Im taking steps dealing with it, even though its so so painful at times. We make excuses for our own behaviour, and we show no mercy to others for the same mistake. We expect perfection, and we are not perfect.
Guys expect to marry virgins, when they have basically acted porn scene movies with other peoples future wives.......I hear someone say "wavemasta thats the way the world works", but I say that if thats how the world works, then it sucks. Big time.
I told G that Id never cheat on my wife, and he told me to talk to him in 6 yrs time, after I had worked for like 3 different companies. I told him I still believed in family values, In love, and honesty. Im not saying my wifey should be perfect and all, but men, cmon, I still believe in love dammit! Am I old fashioned somebody?
Im not a saint or a JJC. Ive bin around, and I aint proud of it, but cmon, I know that if Im in love with you then I wouldnt wanna hurt you, no matter what.........but G tells me that I like too much
G reminded me of what I said when I first came here, that I wanted to do all the assignments myself, naija style and finish all the courses next year. I told him that yeah I sojied well well and found out that they wanted us to do teamwork and besides I couldnt do everything on my own, and that I had finished all but 2 courses of the coursework. G told me that I can now see that what I said I would do was different from what I actually did, and that when it came to real life, never say never.
Well my elder bros and family came around, and gave me a present,and I felt good.They also made me re-affirm my belief to get a dinstinction from here cus men, I need cash, cold hard cash, ego, kudi, owo, benjamins, I can be financially independent , and organize madam (wink wink)
On my way back from seeing them off I stopped by a friends room, a dude from chile called alex, and his friend carlos. They had some beers, and were watching a movie, and when I told them it was my bday han han u suppose know now......dem organise shayo for son of I dont shayo too much and not too often but today I was like abeg after a beer we begin dey yab batman and why hes so rich and all. After a second, we began gisting about our futures. Men guys shayo is hard core spiritual shit oh, it makes you yarn the
Well Im back in my crib, typing this, wondering how my life will turn out, and if I will overcome all my inner battles, especially with religion, and pple judging each other. Wonder if I will ever get to the point where I look at a chick as who she is now , and not what she did before......well sha God dey, and I go make the song says.
Thanks to all the guys who remembered my bday, all my ex Lag guys, and babes, both in naija and beyond..........God bless you and may u live longer......And to my familia, the same goes!!
I gotta go guys, take care!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Well im alive and all, and still doin my thang. I will post something later, but I got this new video by tuface, check it out, and tell me what you all think. Wonder whats up with the ghana wear, some dudes were yabbing him that he wasnt properly repping, well I guess its all abt perspective.

Wavemasta out.....

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Well I went to church today. Shit has been really going down, and I felt I needed God more than ever.My parents cancelled my trip to france for crazy parental reasons, telling me its for "safety" reasons, and that was after they had agreed and I had spent 70 euros on a discount card, allowing me to ride the dutch trains, and also the international trains with a discount. And I was meant to buy my ticket today.
I received the text message when I was watching Pirates of the caribbean 3 (Which in my own honest humble opinion is crap). I went to the movie to get my mind of some issues with me concerning, my life, academics, and madam, and this text came in. When I get texts from pupcy, I can be sure its gonna ruin my day. He now began telling me they want me to to travel in a group, after everyones left, and here people are on their own and all, and Id already planned stuff. I called them and he and mumcy began this tag team crap, telling me that I hadnt done my research well about travelling, and Im acting as if they havent been abroad before and blah blah. Anyways I got pissed and just called the whole thing off, which was what they wanted.
I mailed my siblings, and all, and talked to my shrink and madam. When I felt better I just sent them a text telling them fine, I'd do what they wanted. I got a text from them telling me God bless me and that there wud be more opportunities. This was after I was happy I was going to change my environment, from this depressing place.
Shebi its for a season? And this program is soon gonna be over. When I get into shell, or schulum, and I just severe all contact, then they go hear wein. Thank God I have decided that academic life isnt for me at all.
Imagine, them still controlling my life, and trying to manipulate me with bible verses like "honor ur mum and dad", and playing my emotions....................infact men im still pissed.
Since Im still partially dependent on them, I had to kiss ass. I was so pissed off yesterday, I was actually slamming my table. I called madam and she calmed me down and all. She was so sweet, but in the light of one of our major problems, the advice seemed, dunno, tainted. I was just like, such a sweet person, and so loving, and yet, shit happened. But thats by the way. I am just happy that July is finally coming to an end, cus this is like one of the worst months of my existence.
If It wasnt for the grace of God, Id have gone mad by now.
Well whateva. Im gonna do some major prayer and fasting. For schizzle.
At least I chopped jollof rice, salad, and chicken, at church today so Im fine. And I have made arrangements to look for a summer job, so well, lemme be positive , and trust God. Its amazing that through all this, I have drawn close to God and Jesus. Well thats why you havent seen headlines saying "Nigerian Student runs mad in room".

Oh, and I got this interesting piece from one of our church services, this is about how the past can affect us now.
Just remember that before you do stuff, whether its sleeping with one chick you just met, drugs, or ure taking advantage of someone, just know that its gonna come back and haunt you one day. And it goes the same way for chicks. Cus when u wanna get married, and you find someone ure in love with, and he hears abt shit uve done, then men, get ready for some crap. Whatever we do today, drugs, insults, crap, etc, can come back to haunt us.
We are all humans, but lets try and live responsibly. Trust me, I know.

Yes I like orobos, but I try to see them as more than sex objects, and I try to handle women responsibly. Im still human though, havent turned into a preacher.

Well Im gonna correct one of my essays. Wish me luck.

Safe y'all.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Madam forced me to go out to watch a movie, so I picked up a fellow naija guy, obi, and we both went to the cinema to watch "Transformers". Since I was/am still a huge fan of the series, It was great, and yeah I wasnt dissapointed.
It was nice seeing my favorite robots, like optimus prime, Iron hide, battling the bad guys like megatron, and starscream. But men Megatron transforms into a gun now, han han, whyd they change him? But the producers did a good job of making all the decepticon(bad guys) robots look evil, what with the scary red eyes, and all, as if say all of them don dey weed anyhow. Just imagine if robot dey smoke, kai, if I see that one I go know say judgement day don dey come slowly.
See now I went to see one of my professors this morning about a project replacement for a course I did. Dont want to go into details, but it sha involved one of our partners, deciding that since he did most(ok, all) the work, he wasnt gonna work with us anymore and was gonna do his thing, anyways no hard feelings sha.
So I go meet the prof for a new project and na so the prof dey propose one weird project like this, then he carries me to the office of one other naija guy doin phd under him, and the conversation is like this:

prof: yeah I want you to work with kaz on polynomial (insert freaky shit here)

wavemasta (gulp), er sir , sir, em em you see....

kaz : (speaking in one conc Ibadan/ijesha/whatever accent) yes sir, he is free, we should give him something to occupy him, and make him work for us

wavemasta: (thinking)men no be omo boi go help you do your phd, oh, bone naija connection

prof: ok, see you will submit the thing in august

by this time, I could see my holiday plans goin up in smoke, han han I suppose go france now, I gats to comot from this place

wavemasta: (putting on my best pitiful look) sir, I have an exam in august, and I gotta do compiler construction and all that, besides Ive bin working realli hard and my head has bin aching

Prof(smiling): Its your problem , not mine

wavemasta(Now desperate) : Sir what would Jesus do?

prof (smiling) Jesus is for guys getting close to God. Are you that christian?

wavemasta: yeah but Im still human

prof: In the same way, Im also a christian, but not so christian that I let you off the hook like that

wavemasta (dejected) ok sir

prof (still smiling) ok lets go to my office.

well it ended well, kaz wanted to finsh me ooo, the prof brought out one project, when he began describing it, I was like, men abeg, I no fit.
Kaz was like prof he's a great programmer, so the prof now asked me if I was, and I was like "I try", and the prof accused me of waving too, in no sabi say I be omo naija. Well finally I settled for the research paper, and kaz was like, he can do etc, etc, the prof (God bless him) was like, I'm not asking him to do anything innovative, just to survey the area.
Well I gotta write at least 20 pages, and submit it in september.
At least I get a holiday .
Men today was the day madam was meant to show, if not for those oyinbos (thunda fire them). I just comforted her and let her know we'd still see each other.
Men this love sef, we no sabi am oh.

Well safe, I decided to cook chicken stew, and Its on the fire, and (to madam), mine is berra than yours!!!!
Yeah the money from naija came in yesterday, and son of man is happy. Men its not good to be penniless in a foreign country men. To guys who think studying abroad is all milk and honey, men its not. It involves other things. You need God, prayers, and to be strong.
Enuff of d speeches, later!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Tribulations and Thanksgiving

I havent blogged for ages, because of well stuff I have bein goin through. Its just crazy the way things have been happening, and I dont know where to start....
A zen proverb says that "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step", so let me start.
Well my chick and I have bin going on fine, except for the fact that yeah we have bin having issues, and its my fault. I blame myself because I always step to my actions, and take responsibility for stuff I do. We have issues relating to stuff she told me abt her past when we were friends and all, but when we got serious and all it began to bug me for some strange reasons and all,and we would argue and all, but the thing was I knew this was from me, and my wahala, and I had to do some work on myself, because I am not gonna sabotage the best thing that has happened to me. And yeah Im making progress, and Im over it now.
That aside , omo boi checked his account and saw like 2 digits. Men I wanted to faint. I decided to play it cool and chill till the beginning of july, men nothin showed,by this time I was desperate because the rent pple had taken their kishi for the month, and nuthin was left,except 2 digits. I went to see my oga, to yarn him the koko. He went and arranged stuff for omo boi, nuthin show for my account oh!
Men Na so your guy begin cook rice and beans for here o! In fact, e no easy.
As of now, dem never pay, but I believe they will.
Thank God madam has bin a source of joy and support. Anyways sha I need to get out of here and take a holiday, somewhere else.
So much has been happening, enuff tribulations, but well I believe in God and the fact that things are gonna work. After all, he got me this far abi?
Also men mumcy dey vex becus of that email I send am last week, I had to call and explain stuff. Anyways sha, I cant go into too many details, but this has bin a trying period for me, and yeah I believe things will get better, like madam always tells me "This is just a phase".
safe y'all

Monday, July 9, 2007

Talk Show

All of you who know me very well know that I have been diagnosed with the deadly disease called LEPACITIS. Its a rare disease common in males. It means that I am not attracted to skinny (lepa) girls at all. When I see them , especially the very very thin ones, I shudder. I wonder how I can lie in bed next to one and touch one, without being scared I'm gonna break her in half.
To promote lepacitis, I created this talk show scenario, where I'm being interviewed by a popular talk show host, and if you study the name, you might guess who she is.

So this is to all my big beautiful sisters out there, who might have been made to feel like freaks , and called names because of the way they look like, or because of their (ehem) "structures"...I love you all.....pity I cant marry you all, cus I dont wanna die early, and I dont support polygamy, but here goes..


kyra: So tonight everyone on this segment, we have.."Men who like their ladies big!!!" And our major guest is wavemasta!!

(audience claps)

wavemasta: thanks kyra, its an honor bein on your show.

kyra: so wavemasta what do you do?

wavemasta: Well Im a programmer, and all round nerd, fine boi, rich kid etc. Check out my geeky glasses.
(audience laughs)

kyra: So wavemasta, tell us, how long have you being, er.....exceptional?

wavemasta: you mean how long I've loved big juicy women?

kyra: yeah

wavemasta: well it all started in secondary school , where I noticed I loved those big ghanian women who sold stuff.....then I noticed I sorta used to blank out thin women, I didnt understand it, but I now know why.

kyra: So wait, you mean u discovered yourself, at a young age

wavemasta: yeah, and when I was doing my A-levels in england, I discovered and accepted it. I felt it was so cool.

kyra: So youve never being with a skinny woman before?

wavemasta: no kyra, cmon, skinny chicks cant take my action. I dont want to be arrested for murder. Look when Im thinking and writing Java code, It activates my joistick, and makes me very very horny. Only a big woman can handle me in my "unleashed" state. I see thin women and I'm

kyra: So what about societies standards on beauty?

wavemasta: Look thats bullshit Miss wanks, seriously. The African concept of beauty is a full figured woman, big in everything, intelligence, size, etc. This concept of beauty being linked to being thin is just a western lie. I remember reading about some colonialists who brought a woman from the bushmen tribe in south africa to europe. She was full figured unlike those stiff european prissy ladies then. They put her in a cage where they would admire her like an animal in a zoo, and she died.


kyra: So do your parents know about your......."preferences"?

wavemasta: Nope. One day my mum was telling me how she'd like an ebony, slim, tall woman for me. Im not sure but I think I remember rejecting it in Jesus Name.

kyra: You called Jesus? Was it that serious?

wavemasta: Kyra, it was as if she was laying a curse on me. Ok check out this scenario, early in the morning, you're just getting up, and your wife walks to the bathroom with nothing on. With a full figured woman, I get to sit up and admire the work of God. If its a thin woman I think I'm just gonna puke.

(at this point, the audience is laughing hysterically)

wavemasta: In fact , I think if God asked me to choose between hell, and marriage to a lepa chick, I'd ask him to lemme take a tour of hell first.You know a brothers gotta check out his options.

(audience is laughing)

wavemasta: when I came back to Lagos, Nigeria for my undergraduate studies, my fellow coursemates used to call me "robosky", cus they observed I only date big (robolicious) women.

kyra: Wow wavemasta, its nice to see a fine, sexy brother like you, loving the large ladies.

wavemasta: I gotta say something....yeah I love em big, but please you also gotta watch your health. Theres a level you get to (being obese), where its bad for your health, and you could get diabetes, and all those bad things. Then you need to go to the gym and work out. But that dosent mean you become an anorexic.
I love ladies who are built like that naturally, and who arent like endangering their health and all.

kyra: So wavemasta, youve never being with a skinny chick before?

wavemasta: No kyra, never. I see them and my body refuses to work. Even when I try inserting tiger batteries inside the joystick, it refuses to rise. But If my sensors detect a woman with the structures, weighing over 70kg, the thing automatically activates itself. Its a miracle, and Im going to use this for my Phd research.

kyra: So I hear that you have been gathering converts, to support your love for big women.

wavemasta: yeah kyra, I have this friend, we were together in school , and I taught him all my secrets, and yes he has made me proud. Only that he backslid from the cause, and is dating a skinny skinny girl. His excuse was that he didnt want to be with a big chick and think of (you know) all the time. Im not bothered, sooner or later, his true nature will win.

kyra: But wavemasta, that means you might like married women, cus most of them are big, and neglected by their husbands.

wavemasta: Kyra, its funny you should say this. Because someone told me the same thing during my NYSC. But see I don't do married women. Its wrong. I'm even on a vow of celibacy, till I get married.

audience (awwwww hes so sweet)

kyra: You got any funny experiences you'd like to share with us?

wavemasta: yeah during my NYSC, we lived in a duplex, in a compound and the compound had a gate. It got to the extent that the female corpers could predict which girl came to see us based on their appearance, when they came in through the gate. If the girl was average, then they would call any of the others. If she was big (and I mean big) then they would call me. A girl came looking for me, and my next door neigbour called me,to attend to her, even before the girl said she was looking for me. One of the first things the girl asked was how my neighbour knew she was looking for me. I diplomatically avoided answering her question.

(By this time, someone in the audience has fainted from laffing too much)

kyra: Have you been questioned on why ure this way?

wavemasta: yeah people see me with a big mamacita, and ask me if Im strong enough to carry the load. I reply by showing them my muscles. I do sit ups, press ups, and all at the gym, and I lift weights. If my strenght fails, which It wont, theres always energy 2000, or Alhaji Kolaq's herbs (wink wink).
I remember trying to psyche a lepa chick who was a friend of mine, that I could change, and she replied in yoruba "abinibi yato si ability" ( meaning that who you are, and whats inside you, is more powerful than you trying to be someone else.)

kyra: So wavemasta, any last words of advice to the big beautiful women out there?

wavemasta: yeah, to all the lepa ladies, please stop starving yourselves, if u wanna eat that extra helping of chocolate, please please do so. Stop starving yourselves by being anorexic and throwing up last nights dinner.
To all my big honies, dont worry abeg. Most people who see what ure packing are too intimidated by the luggage. They know they aint got the guts to carry it, and so they like to victimize. Next time anyone calls you names, know that hes afraid, he wants you but cant carry the load. And thats why you shouldnt take them seriously, and you should disqualify them. Wait for people like me, the big daddies who can carry the elders load (eru agba).
Don't allow society to set standards for you. Live your life, and love yourself. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself youre beautiful, and God made you well.

kyra: Thanks wavemasta.We loved having you on the kyra wanks show. If anyones interested in meeting wavemasta, drop him a comment on his blog. Now up next on the kyra wanks show after the break "Oh my gosh, My dog is gay!!"