Saturday, November 24, 2007

Little by Little

Its being a while and so I decided to simply drop a note, to people who do ( or not) visit my page. I feel that I am making slow and steady progress winning the battle over some of the issues that have being plaguing me, even the buried ones.
After my relapse last week, I was literally chilling in my cafeteria (since It was pretty cold ) feeling down and a friend came online, and I just talked about some of it, and the friend told me what I had suspected....that I simply thought too much. So I decided to take things easy on me, and just pray to God that things work out.
I have also learnt to speak to myself, and just convince myself to take things easy. I also look back at all the things God has done in my life up till this point, and well I thank him also. Sometimes I wake up on a morning like today, and then I get these thoughts about issues and depressing ish trying to crowd my mind, but then I simply begin to speak to myself, telling myself that all this is for a short while, and that I will look back over all these so called issues, and laugh over them.
I am discovering a lot of things, one of which is that one cannot have all the answers to every question, which is why we aren't God anyways...Its another thing I am working on, because I have a very curious mind.
Anyways I know that by his grace I am slowly and steadily climbing up the stairway to success. About my woman, you ask? Well we are fine, all relationships, (especially ours since it's pretty unique) have their share of ups and downs, but we pretty much dialog and sort things out. I'm learning not to worry and well I am expecting the best. Now I gotta go and review some papers for my final thesis.
Cheers everyone!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

I'm tired of me

Yeah you heard that.....thats the title of this post......and I mean what it means.
Now let me let it all out and explain, because I'm gonna pray about it right now, but anyways... Theres something I have been struggling with, and its not any weird addiction or any bad thing so don't worry. Its a personality thing in me, like anger for instance (but its not anger) and the thing is that I just discovered it this year, with someones help.
Since I discovered that thing about me, Ive tried to combat it. Ive prayed, fasted, and all that. I try to think positively and channel my mind towards other things, but no, it surfaces after sometime and all that. And the thing is that it doesn't just affect me, but it affects others around me.
I try so hard , and get so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter (Linkin Park).
I'm tired of rising , and falling, and I am tired of me.
Ive asked myself why I'm this way, but self pity won't help, I just wish I knew when I was gonna change.....and oh, I have bin on this for like months now, and I am just tired.
My spirit tells me to keep on , and not to give up on me, and that things are going to be better, but it doesn't look or seem that way.
I had people I cud talk to about it, but even they are tired of me and hearing about it from me, and even the people it affects aren't even happy when I make baby steps of progress, cus its like I'm taking one step fowards, and two steps back....
I am all alone with myself here, and it's like everyones telling me, "├┐eah deal with it". The bad thing about this is that its standing in between myself, and the best thing ever happening to me. Its potentially dangerous and could destroy my happiness, and I know it, and am combating it, but it's like am not making any progress.
I need help, please God help..
Anyways, on a lighter note, my clubbing experience yest was nice, I entered a naija club in Amsterdam, and was dancing "Kolomental", I love being naija....no one like us, we d bomb!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Well, a lot has been happening to me since my last post. It's been okay, so far so good and we thank jah for his mercies. A significant event happened, I am or sorta in a situation, and there was a time I had to ask God if I should go foward or back out totally. I had told him that if he himself didnt stop me then I wasnt gonna back out....and there was a time I thought he had shut the door, and that it was all over, only for things to resolve themselves in a miraculous way, which made my day.
So I'm still going foward, and I'm trusting what he said that "better is the end of the matter than the beginning".
Ok, enuff with the spiro yarns, men, lets see, I got my thesis project sorted out, cus men I need to graduate from here, and make cold hard excessive cash. If you think money is the root of all evil, men thats your problem. See and watch me while I blow dust in your face with my new Aston martin vanquish, with my woman in the passenger seat....yeah!! Lets see, oh, what has been happening to me of recent?
I was reading this cool book by my guy Brian Tracy called "getting rich your own way", and at a point in the book he asked us to write down three of the most important goals in our lives right now. I stopped and did that, and man, I must tell you I feel different.....its like I'm focused like a homing beacon. Anytime some other mad thot tries to mess up my head, I just think to myself........"Man, remember the koko, and focus, focus". Wait, it gets better. Brian now asked us to write down 100 things you would do or achieve if you have made all the money you want..he said doing that would attract our super concious minds, or something. Well I didnt know about superconcious, but since I believe I practicing stuff I read, I spent like 3 hours on that exercise.....it was a real eye opener for me, and a true test of how badly I wanted to get what I wanted.
A lot of people want to be rich, and reach the top, but for most its just a dream, cus they dont want it badly enough. If you can, stop reading and do the exercise, I dare you....write down 100 things you will do or achieve if you get the kinda cash you always wanted. My woman said she might only go past 20, but thats ok, cus part of the money will be spent making her happy, and maintaining the orobo figure. Lepa is a sign of poverty, and I bind any spirit of lepacitis around me in the name of ........ AMEN!!! 2007/2008 is my year of divine oroboprovision, and all my enemies moving against that should fall down by fire!!!
I bin getting interviews from companies for some part time work, but I haven't seen any to my taste, anyways men, jah dey, nuthin dey happen. My academics are going on well, and my baby persuaded me to take one course to occupy my mind when I was going through some depression, and I ended up blasting the course with 7, when everyone else was getting 6, and the prof wey dey take this course na hard man, so with this I was able to fill up my elective space on my study program. It's good to have an angel in your life.
Tomorrow night, I shud be clubbing in Amsterdam........don't worry nothings gonna happen (wink,wink)

Thursday, November 1, 2007

My Dream II 2020AD

"Sir the meeting is about to start", I glance up started out of my reverie. I watch my secretary close the door behind her. I relax in my leather swivel chair, and move around. In front of me I look at a picture frame of my wife and kids, and I ponder on how extraordinary my life is. Oh, I forgot my manners again, I am wavemasta, and I'm CEO of my own company, Genesys Solutions. We are an IT service provider, and consultancy firm, and the best in the business I might add. People used to think I was some wizard for my uncanny talent at solving real -life issues and problems, but now I'm way up in management, so I don't get to get my hands as dirty as I would like....
As the cool air from the air conditioner hits me, I cant help but look over my life....to those crazy days when I was doing my MSc, and I had so many issues, coupled with the challenge of getting an extra job, and still managing to graduate with a distinction. I also remember meeting my wife in a most unconventional way, and having to deal with so many issues inside myself, I remember feeling torn apart when she said she was leaving, and having to put myself together....I remember taking a plane to see her, and staring into her eyes for the first time, feeling lost inside her dark eyes, and not knowing what to say to her...I remember not knowing if I was doing the right thing, but only having to listen to God leading me on a path I or others had never being on before.
Yeah, I had some crazy days...I remember the day I swore never to doubt myself, and believe in myself, and see myself as Jesus made me...I remember going for an interview and acing it so well, in spite of all the doubts the devil threw at my mind...
Yeah, it just goes to show that you can get anything you want when you hold on long enough, even baba God will be like "omo leave am alone".
I remember gaining the respect of the people in the company, and rising like a star to the top of my career...I remember earning cash, and visiting my chick, and rocking town with her and my friends....yeah I remember the joy that comes with enjoying the fruits of your labour.
I remember the devil trying to take my life and steal my joy, and telling me the darkness wouldn't end. I remember him telling me I'd never be happy, and that I would always sabotage myself, and push away those things or people that really mattered to me...but look at me now....CEO of my own company, married to her, rocking my life well....I can go where I want , where I want, without any embassy's wahala.
I remember those times back then, wondering how I would cope, asking myself what I was doing in that country where people pronounce 'G' as if they were spitting from their throats....
I look back to when God told me I was unique, and that I wasn't expected to accept limits placed on me by society, religion, or anything, and that I had to break free from tradition to be who he made me... I remember feeling cool with myself writing that vision down, but the pain and agony I felt during the transformation into that person...
I remember standing up my family and them respecting me whether they liked it or not, I remember them respecting my decisions, and my stance on issues, and I remember how good I felt...
I remember how people used to ask me how I got so confident, and what I had going for me, and I'd just say na Jesus...
Ok yeah time for my meeting, gotta run now, I will talk about some other memories later.