Friday, March 28, 2008

Shit Bizness: How I repped my country

I was at work, writing a presentation, then I felt the urge to answer the call of nature. Now wait...don't leave my page, just read on.
I entered the bathroom, and did my thing. The "results" were just average, nuthin special. I now flushed the toilet, na when yawa begin dey gas. When I flushed, one of my "large" results was still there staring at me. In my head I was like (yup, u guessed it....) "Shit!".
If na for naija, I might have succumbed to the temptation of leaving it the way it was, but in this oyibo land, especially me being the only black person at work, omo, I cud not afford to derep naija.
Imagine if they r speakin dutch and goin...."Oh yeah the Nigerian put a huge bomb in the was so bad, we all had to use the downstairs branch" way jose.
I flushed again, the flushing mechanism chose that exact moment not to work, or pack enuff energy..for my mind I dey think..."omo, this thing wan soap me".
I racked my brains for an optimal algorithm (efficient method, for non computerese speakers) to dispose of my "results". I remembered one of my elder brothers who has lived in jand so long hes got this british accent and acts like a character from "some mothers do have em" (Frank Spencer).
I remember one tym way back, whether na 1999, and I was in his apartment in jand, and I bombed his bathroom, I remember him using the toilet brush to clear the,and explaining to my 17-18 year old mind that the toilet brush was meant for that purpose. For me, that was a great "revelation", since I felt toilet brushes were meant for "nicer" things.
So fastfoward to 10 yrs later, crazy nerd looking at his results in the toilet, and I reached for the nice clean white (no racism meant) brush and used it to push the results down the toilet.
I succeeded in hiding the "evidence", but now the toilet brush had shades of brown sticking to it.
I spent 5 mins more rinsing the brush, by now the waters had turned brown, and the brush was looking ok. Now I was faced with a life and death decision.
Do I leave the waters brown as they are, and let the next person find his way, or do I take a risk and flush?
I had to be a good boi and rep my country, cnt have em thinkin we africans are savages...I flushed. Now the bastard had gone down, but he'd left a stain at the bottom. This time, I was prepared. I took some tissue, stuffed it in the toilet, and used the brush this time to clean. Now the brush was "protected".
Finally the coast was clear, and the day was saved, and I preserved the rep of my country by cleaning up after myself and being neat.
Look after urself,and be conscious of urself....for some pple,u mite be the only Naija guy they meet, so u gotta be a good ambassador.
Oh shit.......gotta use the bathroom again.......maybe I will go downstairs this time..

Monday, March 24, 2008

Its been a long time since yours truly blogged..Its bin a combo of not enuff time, and being a lil bit lazy, and also battling with a bit of insomnia. You got that right, I no longer find it easy sleeping at normal hours, but am not a vampire anyways.
Im still on the fast lane, but Ive found my footing and learning how to navigate. Im still holdin on to my dreams of A distinction coupled with madam(wink), and u knw like gabrielle said "dreams can come true". Easter was just there, I did some clearing out of my crib, did some little shopping...yeah I knw my lifes a bit monotonous right now, maybe some action go shele next month.
Now this countrys weather is snows in the morning(Which is why I woke up 1 this, is sunny in the afternoon, rains in the evening. In fact at times all 3 of em can happen in the morning.
Im still here, doing my thing as always...valentines day wasnt so special, but I called madam n let her knw she was loved, and I love doing that.
Now am in my pyjamas wondering what to do. I got code to study, but now am just chilling and about to go on a just keeps getting better and better :D , and the son of man needs to relax.
Speaking of the son of man, I watched "Passion of the Christ" in church yesterday, that was scary, Mel Gibson used so so much blood. But really, I'm going to ask God why he didnt use a less gruesome method to save mankind,other than the flogging and getting nailed to the cross. When I get up there we will sit down on a sofa, and have a nice long chat.

Adios amigos!