Friday, March 20, 2009


This week has been one helluva week. Lets see where to start.
I have been adjusting to single life, with its ups and downs. Since I let anaconda out of his cage, hes been breathing in fresh air, and trying to attune himself to his surroundings. Unfortunately he hasn't been able to 'feed' yet. Poor guy. I keep trying to reassure him that soon, he will feed and feed well.
Now, I've been listening to DJ ZEEZ, and this guy is the ish..his songs are so tight with sick beats, and his songs are mostly in yoruba, as in street yoruba, and he is an ibo dude, born n bred in Lagos.. a bariga boy to be exact.
I stumbled on this hit jam 'o4kasibe' and I was tripped. 'o4kasibe' means that your deeds will be known in all the four cardinal points of the earth. Anyways sha, I set it for my ring tone. Now at todays toastmasters meeting, I Was assigned the role of 'wordmaster'. This means I get to pick a word, and talk about it, and people who make speeches try to use that word in their speech, and its my job to track how many people use it. So our theme for tonight was 'exploring the senses' and the word I chose for the day was 'sensual'. For you to be reading my blog, I know you're intelligent so don't ask me what it means. If you wanna know, ask afrobabe, ibiluv, or badderchic, and please sisters I love u all, don't come here and kill me
Anyways, we first did whats called a table topic session. They call you out and you have to make a speech about something, sharp sharp. This evening, when they call you out, they blindfold you, and give you an object, tell you if its edible or not, and then you guess what it is. After then, you get the blind taken off, then you talk about what you held. When it was my turn, I was blind folded, and something round was put in my hands. Now it wasn't long and hard, if so, I for swear for dem mama, and it wasn't large and soft...else I would have...
Instead it turned out to be small and round and hard, and it was a tangerine. When I gave my freestyle speech it was about how tangerines could, in addition to its primary purpose (food), be used in a sensual way, between man and woman. I mentioned I didn't know about tangerines, and man and man, but no one caught the joke.
Na so I Dey in the meeting, when person call me. And guess what my ringtone is 'o4kasibe'. Chei! I wanted to bury my head in embarrassment! It happened twice during someones speech.Luckily my caller stopped and I was able to put it in vibrate during the time for the speech applauses, because the phone was in my coat, and my coat was at the end of the room.
So, there I was looking fly, emi fine boi, lookin sexy, next thing, as I dey beside this fine woman who just gave a speech about sleepy hollow, na so I mess.
The mess I messed was silent, and deadly. When I realized I had violated the UN peace treaty, I almost began praying that 'Please God, let this fart move the opposite way'. Cus the way this oyibo womans nose looked, ehn, e be like say in fit detect am.
So, in order to get to my meeting on time, I had to take a taxi, which was my last card. Luckily I got a return ticket, and when I got to my city, I felt I cud bobo a taxi to carry me home then I'd pay him back on monday. Lailai, dem no gree. I had tried all my cards, credit, debit, to get some small cash, nuthin happen.
Well, After crying to God for help, I walked to the bus driver for the bus going my way, waited till I Was the last, and begged him to let me ride.
If you are reading this, then I got home are still kind people out there, and I made sure I took the exit close to him so I could say good night to him. Thanks Opa (grandad) for helping out. Shows there are still nice people around.
This weekend I will just stay indoors. I made some financial decisions which put me in my present predicament, like looong fone calls to my ex using my former contract fone line...but you know now, I was in women have us guys on lockdown, so quit the feminist bullshit, and accept the fact that you are different and not inferior. But una get wayo, one time, woman go talk say, she be feminist and wants 'equal rights', but in Nigeria, she can block the road with her car, and can shout, 'I'm a woman' and you can't do jack. A woman did that to us, and all of us had to reverse. And there was no car behind her.
God save us ooo..

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Today I went for Aikido lessons. My body still hurts. Learn t how to break arms.
My dutch has improved. I was able to yarn one of our cleaning ladies (shes pretty but shes thin) in dutch, and I was
I broke up finally two days ago.
Couldn't paddle a canoe alone which was meant for 2 people.
Now the ancient hunger has awakened within me.
No woman is safe.
Am I the last of a dying breed?
Why does every girl want to be thin and anorexic?
What if I have to compromise and I end up marrying a thin girl (yuck!)
I love my big girls.
The way my hands roam about their curves...
The way they carry emselves...
Of course I only like the ones wey get shape...
Now, I have released the padlock on my anaconda...
Now hes hungry, and well, either I go back to naija or....
And my dreams are coming close to being a reality.
Please if you are big and beautiful, don't lose weight.
Wavemastas coming to a hood near you...
If you read this post, holla at your sisters, divorced friends, etc...
Cus I'm Santa Claus coming to 'ho ho ho' at y'all
I do not feel any pain about the breakup.
Just emptiness.
Maybe the pain will come later, maybe not.
And wondering, how I will meet the woman of my dreams...
The one created for me...
who will allow me to pleasure her beyond her wildest fantasies..
who I will love and respect and she will do the same...
Does she exist in fantasy land?
Or is she now in the palm of my hand?
Damn damn which kind life be this...
almost close to a year without getting any....
This suffering must end..
I know I am rambling and all.....
Lemme get back to watching burn notice...
And to plan my vacation..
Thinking of some exotic island in the pacific
Thank God I am no longer jumping okadas in Lagos
I Can now plan trips to places I only used to read about..
To God be the glory..
Hopefully I might just find a big beautiful woman with high self esteem...
*sigh guys I am out...

Monday, March 9, 2009


Who flagged my blog for Adult content for heavens sake?
I don't write porn..I mean, what on earth?

Dream List

Now, I ask myself...what would I do if I had 100 million dollars in the bank and could do anything I want?

Warning: Doing this exercise will bring out whats really inside

1. Start my own companies, in different areas, do new inventions, be named in Forbes 400 richest people in the world, and the most powerful people in the world

2. Travel round the world....thailand, china, usa, fiji, tonga, spain....go to a different place every month...just with my backpack, n explore with or without knowing anyone...

3. Lie on the beach with sunglasses on with a big chick beside me and me saying 'screw the world'

4. Start up my charity organization and pump cash into revolutionizing the way our Nigerian youths think

5. Have a harem of big beautiful women..and have orgies (This is only if theres no God and I am single and no one gets is why its a fantasy)

6. Marry my ideal woman, have kids, including things, do crazy stuff together...including wild amazing sex (yes, I know I think about it all the time...)

7. Skydive maybe....mountain climbing, skiiing, snowboarding...

8. Learn as many languages as I can, and get my black belt in

9. Support the work of God by giving to my church and wherever he directs me to

10. Make a massive contribution to my field (Software Development)...

11. Support my wife's dreams, to the max..

12. Give a speech to the united nations and get a standing ovation...

Let me stop there. Guys, the way things are going, you might see me ending up marrying one oyibo big chick oo...some of em are veryyyy nice....but seems the binding spell I put on my anaconda is working too well, except of course when I am at God, well when you were giving out s-drives, you gave your son a triple portion...
God...wheres my ideal woman....the one who will be able to match me in EVERY way? The one who wont run and report me to 'Aunt Agathas' column in the Nigerian independent newspaper as wanting to kill her with kokomycin overdose?
The one who I will love n respect n she will do the same back, and we meet each others needs, and both of us will come first?
Hey...maybe I have her right now and I aint seeing it..
Jah dey anyways...
Cheers guys!

I tag.....everyone who comes to this me..this exercise can change your has

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Guys welcome to the month of march, may we all march 4ward this month in Jesus name, amen.
Ok, enuff with the spiro yarns, lets get busy.

My dreams are about to manifest, and things have happened. Things are happening, I am on the fast lane. But lets wait anyways, and see.
I will only update straffe okon if I have enough 'requests'
So far
Men work is good, and my dutch is improving. I can just imagine me yarning these chicks dbanj's lyrics in dutch, tellin em the dem go just die. Well life's just there, once again I am in a big house, cold, broke, and well I am not discouraged...but men if this was naija, I could have been sandwiched between two big juicy ones, but unfortunately this aint happening here, so its manageable for
One of my colleagues has taken to speaking only dutch to me by force. He did this when trying to show me a jessica simpson CD, which he bought in Saudi. The arabs (hypocrites) had colored her bare arms and any part of her body showing some skin, with a black they wanted to hijab here as well...God help us.
The fasting is over...a whole frigging month of February and I will so so not do it again...whew..
I feel like a prisoner in this country at times, sure they are organized and have a wonderful system, but they are so freaking strict especially with us Nigerians, so its been so difficult getting my loved ones to come visit me here. I am so tired of suffering for the sins of some idiots who sit behind a screen and send scam mails to people. They get small money and go to some clubs and spend money on foolish girls who are plotting how to get cash out of them without giving up the coochie...
And people like us get to suffer for it. I told one of my colleagues that I'd like to do something about changing the image of Nigerians, but he told me that would be difficult, why? Well he just got another email from some guy called 'gladys nkaka'...gosh...
I read a business development book where the author advised against accepting orders from known mail fraud countries such as 'Nigeria'. I was stunned. This was someone I respected, and I applied the principles he taught..but this?
One of my brothers in church was telling me how Nigerians invited their friends over here and they would take off and leave the friend to pay the 50k euro fine.
But like someone said, Americans and others commit crimes also, and the yanks are responsible for the global financial meltdown. So why dem dey beef us? Especially Oprah?
Anyways sha, God dey, we will overcome...

Men, I got my first aikido lesson tomorrow, and toastmasters on friday.....
No one is doing house fellowship at my crib. I will not have talk about how oral sex is 'sinful' in my