Saturday, November 17, 2007

I'm tired of me

Yeah you heard that.....thats the title of this post......and I mean what it means.
Now let me let it all out and explain, because I'm gonna pray about it right now, but anyways... Theres something I have been struggling with, and its not any weird addiction or any bad thing so don't worry. Its a personality thing in me, like anger for instance (but its not anger) and the thing is that I just discovered it this year, with someones help.
Since I discovered that thing about me, Ive tried to combat it. Ive prayed, fasted, and all that. I try to think positively and channel my mind towards other things, but no, it surfaces after sometime and all that. And the thing is that it doesn't just affect me, but it affects others around me.
I try so hard , and get so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter (Linkin Park).
I'm tired of rising , and falling, and I am tired of me.
Ive asked myself why I'm this way, but self pity won't help, I just wish I knew when I was gonna change.....and oh, I have bin on this for like months now, and I am just tired.
My spirit tells me to keep on , and not to give up on me, and that things are going to be better, but it doesn't look or seem that way.
I had people I cud talk to about it, but even they are tired of me and hearing about it from me, and even the people it affects aren't even happy when I make baby steps of progress, cus its like I'm taking one step fowards, and two steps back....
I am all alone with myself here, and it's like everyones telling me, "├┐eah deal with it". The bad thing about this is that its standing in between myself, and the best thing ever happening to me. Its potentially dangerous and could destroy my happiness, and I know it, and am combating it, but it's like am not making any progress.
I need help, please God help..
Anyways, on a lighter note, my clubbing experience yest was nice, I entered a naija club in Amsterdam, and was dancing "Kolomental", I love being naija....no one like us, we d bomb!

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