Shit Bizness: How I repped my country

I was at work, writing a presentation, then I felt the urge to answer the call of nature. Now wait...don't leave my page, just read on.
I entered the bathroom, and did my thing. The "results" were just average, nuthin special. I now flushed the toilet, na when yawa begin dey gas. When I flushed, one of my "large" results was still there staring at me. In my head I was like (yup, u guessed it....) "Shit!".
If na for naija, I might have succumbed to the temptation of leaving it the way it was, but in this oyibo land, especially me being the only black person at work, omo, I cud not afford to derep naija.
Imagine if they r speakin dutch and goin...."Oh yeah the Nigerian put a huge bomb in the toilet...it was so bad, we all had to use the downstairs branch"..no way jose.
I flushed again, the flushing mechanism chose that exact moment not to work, or pack enuff energy..for my mind I dey think..."omo, this thing wan soap me".
I racked my brains for an optimal algorithm (efficient method, for non computerese speakers) to dispose of my "results". I remembered one of my elder brothers who has lived in jand so long hes got this british accent and acts like a character from "some mothers do have em" (Frank Spencer).
I remember one tym way back, whether na 1999, and I was in his apartment in jand, and I bombed his bathroom, I remember him using the toilet brush to clear the ..er...results,and explaining to my 17-18 year old mind that the toilet brush was meant for that purpose. For me, that was a great "revelation", since I felt toilet brushes were meant for "nicer" things.
So fastfoward to 10 yrs later, crazy nerd looking at his results in the toilet, and I reached for the nice clean white (no racism meant) brush and used it to push the results down the toilet.
I succeeded in hiding the "evidence", but now the toilet brush had shades of brown sticking to it.
I spent 5 mins more rinsing the brush, by now the waters had turned brown, and the brush was looking ok. Now I was faced with a life and death decision.
Do I leave the waters brown as they are, and let the next person find his way, or do I take a risk and flush?
I had to be a good boi and rep my country, cnt have em thinkin we africans are savages...I flushed. Now the bastard had gone down, but he'd left a stain at the bottom. This time, I was prepared. I took some tissue, stuffed it in the toilet, and used the brush this time to clean. Now the brush was "protected".
Finally the coast was clear, and the day was saved, and I preserved the rep of my country by cleaning up after myself and being neat.
Look after urself,and be conscious of urself....for some pple,u mite be the only Naija guy they meet, so u gotta be a good ambassador.
Oh shit.......gotta use the bathroom again.......maybe I will go downstairs this time..

Its been a long time since yours truly blogged..Its bin a combo of not enuff time, and being a lil bit lazy, and also battling with a bit of insomnia. You got that right, I no longer find it easy sleeping at normal hours, but am not a vampire anyways.
Im still on the fast lane, but Ive found my footing and learning how to navigate. Im still holdin on to my dreams of A distinction coupled with madam(wink), and u knw like gabrielle said "dreams can come true". Easter was just there, I did some clearing out of my crib, did some little shopping...yeah I knw my lifes a bit monotonous right now, maybe some action go shele next month.
Now this countrys weather is crazee..it snows in the morning(Which is why I woke up 1 this afternoon...lol), is sunny in the afternoon, rains in the evening. In fact at times all 3 of em can happen in the morning.
Im still here, doing my thing as always...valentines day wasnt so special, but I called madam n let her knw she was loved, and I love doing that.
Now am in my pyjamas wondering what to do. I got code to study, but now am just chilling and about to go on a smallville-athon....it just keeps getting better and better :D , and the son of man needs to relax.
Speaking of the son of man, I watched "Passion of the Christ" in church yesterday, that was scary, Mel Gibson used so so much blood. But really, I'm going to ask God why he didnt use a less gruesome method to save mankind,other than the flogging and getting nailed to the cross. When I get up there we will sit down on a sofa, and have a nice long chat.

Adios amigos!

Fast Lane

Im now on the fast lane...3 days at work writing code, and the rest of the week working on my thesis....will the son of man survive, yeah he will, thats d name of the game.
Men these pple paid salary, imagine this govt taxed me. Im just doin an internship and they taxed me, kai, see wahala.
Ive got one of my naija friends bunking with me for a while, hes sleeping, snoring like a generator on reserve tank. Anyways he made akara today, so make I no too dey yarn.
But men, in still dey snore. Well, whats bin happening, nuthin much anyways, life is pretty much flowing, am still working on myself, and all that, being the best I can be, and trying not to get addicted to chocolate muffins.
What else is there to say?..........
The office work is cool, after all the coding, we go downstairs and shayo...and cool the brain down......Gosh hes still snoring.......I will use style tiff back my pillow...
guys, am out oh!!

Guys.......this post is dedicated to God, for all he did for me.
Today men, I got my compiler construction results. Ours was released late because they took their time looking for errors. We got 39/40, for the second assignment. When they didnt find any reasonable errors in our code, they had to formulate one weak error and deduct one mark.
We had 29/30 in the first assignment, for the same reason as above.......and I had 53/60 last year, which is 23/30...I put this in my last years blog post. So this means ur friendly neighbourhood, eficco, fine boi no pimples,who loves his women big, got a 9 (Actually 91/100 if u wanna go by raw score..lol) in the dreaded compiler course.
This was a course that scared my lab partner and I so shitless, I was afraid it would hold us back.....now to God be the glory, Im the highest in my class, except if my partner blasts the exam and gets 10, but who cares...its free shayo for all.
At my place of work today, I finished the assignment they gave me to initiate me into the company. The oga was like, men he expected me to do it in one week, but I used 2-3 days to finish it..now we just have some small things to fix..the guy is like, he's impressed with my progress.This means more responsibility, more cash, more... er....dont worry(wink wink)
I guess all the freaky programs Ive bin coding at my school paid off.....who says school doesnt matter?
We thank God...the vision is coming along..

To my ...... I miss you and wished I cud have shared this with u.

Wassup pple......I just had to blog about my first day at work...yup, my first day!
Twas cool, got there before 10...Chatted with everyone, then my direct supervisor set me up...so many tasks to do men, apart from the normal coding runs, we also got to do some house chores like fill and empty the dishwasher and all that.
The MD is a nice guy, a sharp man, but well na yankee man, so wetin we go expect?
So in this place, all of them are linux freaks as opposed to me wey sabi windows, so sha, they gave me one wicked computer, formatted it and all that....the guy who set it up just dey act like wizard...but He let me watch anyways....and was also explaining stuff to me.
These guys didnt put me under any pressure, they believed in asking questions and sharing stuff, which is cool, if it were home, some peeps would keep the knowledge to themselves for fear of losing their edge, and in my uni, I cant ask my supervisors any kind of questions before I get accused of not being "independent" enough.
I just gotta write about Nespresso coffee.......damn! Its so good, and the flavor is so tight, I can see why they are an expensive item, and why they had to use George Clooney in the advertisement.....I think I had like 2 cups.
I walked back to the station with one of my ogas, and began applying principles from Brian Tracys audio program "The Luck Factor", where he said that if you want to reach a particular level, find out from someone whos reached there, and do what he did...so I began talking to my new oga about coding techniques, and all of that.
Thank God, one of the craziest eficos in my class is working on almost the same thesis as I am, so at least we can exchange Ideas, and I wont be alone.
On a serious note, one of my exes dropped me an offline, saying she wanted to talk to me, and shed "lost" my number, and I should call her back...I began wondering what on earth she wanted..I was curious at first, so I asked a friend if I cud use his phone to call, and when he didnt have any credit, I just fashied. I wasnt gonna use my hard earned cash to call someone who didnt even know the country I was travelling to, and a lot of all that...and funnily enough, last time I called her (on madams prompting) was last year to make peace, and she hadnt replied or anything since then.
Im not interested in people calling me for "emergencies", and besides I keep my exes in the past, she wasnt even on my messenger and all that...am all for being mature and cordial, but please, let the boundaries be...son of man dont look back...so well...I sorta have an Idea of what the "emergency" constitutes, but omo, I just dey do my thing jare.
Anyways, lifes good....tough tyms have come, and they dont last, but tough people like me last, Jesus is alive, God is on the throne..got a bright life ahead of me....tonight its "Ugly Betty", me reaffirming my goals, and me falling asleep dreaming of how I want to plaster madams face with kisses.
Something funny just happened...I just remembered how I used to enter molue from one place (chei, I don forget the name)..ok, its the area to the right when you come out of unilag gate...I used to walk past one place where they sold fish, and ud see the eels trashing about in the water in the basin, and I used to hold my breath as I passed...that was also where I saw my first lynch victim (Apparently, he stole clothes)....and I remember some other crazy things I wont mention...its amazing how time flies...thank God for taking one forward..
Am out guys...holla!

whats up people? A lot has bin going on since my last post....Ive had to do a lot of things, but we thank God sha, things are happening ok.
Lets see, I had some little finance wahala where these people here were threatning to send debt collectors after me...it was crazy. The term "Debt collectors" is just a legalized way in this country of organizing boiz to brush you if you owe anyone money, and to make matters worse, you will pay them on top.Chei, oyibo. Anyways it was about cus I missed decembers tuition fee...omo sha, to cut a long story short, I was able to raise the cash, dem go carry their wahala go, Jah is there and will every come thru.
They wanted to now deduct cash for januari when dem neva pay...hmm I go sue them oh!, anyways, its all cool here.
About my thesis, I went to meet my oga prof, the guy liked my yarns, and decided to keep me on the project, then they gave me some more code to re-write...when I saw that thing, I wished I was in naija with star and pepper soup, I was like, these pple wont kill me....but then I listened to the voice inside me, that still small voice that doesnt allow me to settle for less, and always urges me on....that voice that gently reminds me that the thoughts plaguing my mind are just from some jobless demons, and I shouldnt worry......I listened to the voice...and I began to calm down, and approach the challenge from a different angle, and I did that, and today I began to see some results...Ive learnt to thank God for everything even when things do not SEEM to be working, cus tough times never last, but tough people do.
Whatever comes at me, I will keep on, whatever thoughts come at my mind...if I tell u some of the crazy ish these spirits keep throwin at me, but I just know one thing...I am one hungry man, hungry to achieve my goals, hungry to make it, hungry for the good life, and nothing, and no one will stop me....no spirit, or human being or whatever..
Now guys seriously, madam has dissappeared, I for call am, but lets just say my billions are still in the spiritual realm right now, I wonder where she is.
Anyways guys, e go be, I have discovered "ugly betty", and I am enjoying it.
Cheers people, n remember, keep pushing!

Ok, son of man is writing this from his cafeteria, I think I have bin working here for close to 6 hours straight, fixing stuff in my report, and going through those damn papers, just imagine me doing all that for the rest of my life..God 4bid.
Anyways I managed to arrive at a consensus with the thesis chick, and I have been having a good time so far, yeah ur crazy nerd has bin clearing all his courses, 8 and 9, men e no easy, but the thing is this thesis.....anyways God dey.
People dey tell me say I don dey lean , say make I eat well, hmm, well I suppose cook soup anyways.
Men I gotta work on my sleeping hours, I sleep crazy hours, wake up like 12-1, and then work for 7 hours daily..this ish is freaking me out, yeah I know all that matters are results, but still...I mean I remember a day/morning when I slept 6am, now that aint funny. Let god just see us through and let me run away as far as I possibly can.
I am listening to Jack Canfield.....omo we go yarn later.