Little by Little

Its being a while and so I decided to simply drop a note, to people who do ( or not) visit my page. I feel that I am making slow and steady progress winning the battle over some of the issues that have being plaguing me, even the buried ones.
After my relapse last week, I was literally chilling in my cafeteria (since It was pretty cold ) feeling down and a friend came online, and I just talked about some of it, and the friend told me what I had suspected....that I simply thought too much. So I decided to take things easy on me, and just pray to God that things work out.
I have also learnt to speak to myself, and just convince myself to take things easy. I also look back at all the things God has done in my life up till this point, and well I thank him also. Sometimes I wake up on a morning like today, and then I get these thoughts about issues and depressing ish trying to crowd my mind, but then I simply begin to speak to myself, telling myself that all this is for a short while, and that I will look back over all these so called issues, and laugh over them.
I am discovering a lot of things, one of which is that one cannot have all the answers to every question, which is why we aren't God anyways...Its another thing I am working on, because I have a very curious mind.
Anyways I know that by his grace I am slowly and steadily climbing up the stairway to success. About my woman, you ask? Well we are fine, all relationships, (especially ours since it's pretty unique) have their share of ups and downs, but we pretty much dialog and sort things out. I'm learning not to worry and well I am expecting the best. Now I gotta go and review some papers for my final thesis.
Cheers everyone!

I'm tired of me

Yeah you heard that.....thats the title of this post......and I mean what it means.
Now let me let it all out and explain, because I'm gonna pray about it right now, but anyways... Theres something I have been struggling with, and its not any weird addiction or any bad thing so don't worry. Its a personality thing in me, like anger for instance (but its not anger) and the thing is that I just discovered it this year, with someones help.
Since I discovered that thing about me, Ive tried to combat it. Ive prayed, fasted, and all that. I try to think positively and channel my mind towards other things, but no, it surfaces after sometime and all that. And the thing is that it doesn't just affect me, but it affects others around me.
I try so hard , and get so far, but in the end it doesn't really matter (Linkin Park).
I'm tired of rising , and falling, and I am tired of me.
Ive asked myself why I'm this way, but self pity won't help, I just wish I knew when I was gonna change.....and oh, I have bin on this for like months now, and I am just tired.
My spirit tells me to keep on , and not to give up on me, and that things are going to be better, but it doesn't look or seem that way.
I had people I cud talk to about it, but even they are tired of me and hearing about it from me, and even the people it affects aren't even happy when I make baby steps of progress, cus its like I'm taking one step fowards, and two steps back....
I am all alone with myself here, and it's like everyones telling me, "ÿeah deal with it". The bad thing about this is that its standing in between myself, and the best thing ever happening to me. Its potentially dangerous and could destroy my happiness, and I know it, and am combating it, but it's like am not making any progress.
I need help, please God help..
Anyways, on a lighter note, my clubbing experience yest was nice, I entered a naija club in Amsterdam, and was dancing "Kolomental", I love being naija....no one like us, we d bomb!

Well, a lot has been happening to me since my last post. It's been okay, so far so good and we thank jah for his mercies. A significant event happened, I am or sorta in a situation, and there was a time I had to ask God if I should go foward or back out totally. I had told him that if he himself didnt stop me then I wasnt gonna back out....and there was a time I thought he had shut the door, and that it was all over, only for things to resolve themselves in a miraculous way, which made my day.
So I'm still going foward, and I'm trusting what he said that "better is the end of the matter than the beginning".
Ok, enuff with the spiro yarns, men, lets see, I got my thesis project sorted out, cus men I need to graduate from here, and make cold hard excessive cash. If you think money is the root of all evil, men thats your problem. See and watch me while I blow dust in your face with my new Aston martin vanquish, with my woman in the passenger seat....yeah!! Lets see, oh, what has been happening to me of recent?
I was reading this cool book by my guy Brian Tracy called "getting rich your own way", and at a point in the book he asked us to write down three of the most important goals in our lives right now. I stopped and did that, and man, I must tell you I feel different.....its like I'm focused like a homing beacon. Anytime some other mad thot tries to mess up my head, I just think to myself........"Man, remember the koko, and focus, focus". Wait, it gets better. Brian now asked us to write down 100 things you would do or achieve if you have made all the money you want..he said doing that would attract our super concious minds, or something. Well I didnt know about superconcious, but since I believe I practicing stuff I read, I spent like 3 hours on that exercise.....it was a real eye opener for me, and a true test of how badly I wanted to get what I wanted.
A lot of people want to be rich, and reach the top, but for most its just a dream, cus they dont want it badly enough. If you can, stop reading and do the exercise, I dare you....write down 100 things you will do or achieve if you get the kinda cash you always wanted. My woman said she might only go past 20, but thats ok, cus part of the money will be spent making her happy, and maintaining the orobo figure. Lepa is a sign of poverty, and I bind any spirit of lepacitis around me in the name of ........ AMEN!!! 2007/2008 is my year of divine oroboprovision, and all my enemies moving against that should fall down by fire!!!
I bin getting interviews from companies for some part time work, but I haven't seen any to my taste, anyways men, jah dey, nuthin dey happen. My academics are going on well, and my baby persuaded me to take one course to occupy my mind when I was going through some depression, and I ended up blasting the course with 7, when everyone else was getting 6, and the prof wey dey take this course na hard man, so with this I was able to fill up my elective space on my study program. It's good to have an angel in your life.
Tomorrow night, I shud be clubbing in Amsterdam........don't worry nothings gonna happen (wink,wink)

My Dream II 2020AD

"Sir the meeting is about to start", I glance up started out of my reverie. I watch my secretary close the door behind her. I relax in my leather swivel chair, and move around. In front of me I look at a picture frame of my wife and kids, and I ponder on how extraordinary my life is. Oh, I forgot my manners again, I am wavemasta, and I'm CEO of my own company, Genesys Solutions. We are an IT service provider, and consultancy firm, and the best in the business I might add. People used to think I was some wizard for my uncanny talent at solving real -life issues and problems, but now I'm way up in management, so I don't get to get my hands as dirty as I would like....
As the cool air from the air conditioner hits me, I cant help but look over my life....to those crazy days when I was doing my MSc, and I had so many issues, coupled with the challenge of getting an extra job, and still managing to graduate with a distinction. I also remember meeting my wife in a most unconventional way, and having to deal with so many issues inside myself, I remember feeling torn apart when she said she was leaving, and having to put myself together....I remember taking a plane to see her, and staring into her eyes for the first time, feeling lost inside her dark eyes, and not knowing what to say to her...I remember not knowing if I was doing the right thing, but only having to listen to God leading me on a path I or others had never being on before.
Yeah, I had some crazy days...I remember the day I swore never to doubt myself, and believe in myself, and see myself as Jesus made me...I remember going for an interview and acing it so well, in spite of all the doubts the devil threw at my mind...
Yeah, it just goes to show that you can get anything you want when you hold on long enough, even baba God will be like "omo leave am alone".
I remember gaining the respect of the people in the company, and rising like a star to the top of my career...I remember earning cash, and visiting my chick, and rocking town with her and my friends....yeah I remember the joy that comes with enjoying the fruits of your labour.
I remember the devil trying to take my life and steal my joy, and telling me the darkness wouldn't end. I remember him telling me I'd never be happy, and that I would always sabotage myself, and push away those things or people that really mattered to me...but look at me now....CEO of my own company, married to her, rocking my life well....I can go where I want , where I want, without any embassy's wahala.
I remember those times back then, wondering how I would cope, asking myself what I was doing in that country where people pronounce 'G' as if they were spitting from their throats....
I look back to when God told me I was unique, and that I wasn't expected to accept limits placed on me by society, religion, or anything, and that I had to break free from tradition to be who he made me... I remember feeling cool with myself writing that vision down, but the pain and agony I felt during the transformation into that person...
I remember standing up my family and them respecting me whether they liked it or not, I remember them respecting my decisions, and my stance on issues, and I remember how good I felt...
I remember how people used to ask me how I got so confident, and what I had going for me, and I'd just say na Jesus...
Ok yeah time for my meeting, gotta run now, I will talk about some other memories later.

Long thing, strong thing

Ma peeps, whats up, no long thing, strong thing.....er sorrry, Dbanj has been corrupting me and all that. Well I havent been so motivated to update my blog and all, but well a lotta things have been happening, since I wrote "eye of the storm". I discovered that if ure in the middle of a storm, omo men waka comot from the storm oh, take shelter!!! Ok sha, seriously, Life is too short, and whatever will be will be, so men dont kill urself. Now After a lot of thinking about my future and what I would do when I graduate, I placed my CV in a very "strategic" spot, now I got companies calling, me telling me they got interesting vacancies for me.
I just had to tell them that Im doing my thesis right now, so If they can wait till next year, no probs men.
Yesterday was also good, I got a call from a global company, with a branch in naija, which everyone in naija would kill to work for....and my partner(lab-partner oh!), and I finished the first part of the deadly compiler construction assignment, and this course is one that has held back even some of my indian mentors, so we thank God for his grace.
Well things are happening, I am looking foward, determined to face my life squarely, and all that. Its based on a conversation I had with God......I pulled out a chair, and made the old man sit down,while I yarned him some seriously deep koko. No, I did pull out a chair. The old man and I yarned about a lot of things, which I aint gonna talk about, except one of them had me feeling like something had been ripped out of me this morning. Well I have asked him for the strength to do what has to be done, thats if he wants me to make some crazy choices.........damn, Im rambling again.
You know one thing about this place is that I have been waking up at some crazy ass hours, like 11.30. I used to feel guilty till I found out that my greek partner has bin doing the same thing.
Cmon, I almost worked meself into the ground last year, so son of Jah needs to enjoi.
I was complaining abt the loniless here, to someone, and the guy was I should go look for a chick......I was like, well I didnt want to take advantage of anyone, and he's like, dude, some pple want to be used.......that touched a raw nerve inside me, for reasons I wont mention, but its crazy, but maybe he had a point, I dont know.
Anyways sha, God, dey, Im moving foward, nuthin dey happen, no long thing, long thing, strong thing.(I think I need help)

Eye of the storm

In the eye of the storm, Raging all about me,
My most precious treasure about to be torn from me,
My enemies seem to chortle with unholy glee,
Still I stand calm and determined.
I cry to God, and listen to my spirit,
Telling me to hang in and not give in to it,
Telling me the mountains are gonna become like plains,
And that all the obstacles are gonna disappear.
God Im stumbing in the dark, without any illumination,
Wondering if Im still using my full mental constitution,
God, Am I doing the right thing, I ask?
Press on, the inner voice tells me back.
Devils and Doubts speaking to my head,
Telling me my desires will not be granted,
That I will always be supplanted.
Telling me that once again, that inner fabric of me shall be rendered.
God, to your perfect will I have surrendered,
Determined to hold on to the very end,
Through thick or thin, and whatever mountain,
Still I will hold on and keep on fighting,
Never quitting, and strength undying,
Cus I know I must keep holding on,albeit all alone,
Even in the eye of the storm.

I wrote this to describe my present situation, unfortunately, I cannot give any details, except that what I consider the best thing ever in my life, seems about about to be taken from me. I am still keeping on till the end, and fighting on, hoping against hope........

I am hunched in front of a PC in my lab, thinking of what to type........wondering what to type, simply cus I havent typed anything in a long time.
Well I first gotta say I am extremely grateful to God, that I am alive. The gift of life is something we should never take for granted. To just wake up in the morning is a blessing on its own.
Right now, I am in a stage in my life that could be described as a lull....... Im making progress little by little which is a good thing. My financial problems were solved, thank God, now I am my former self. In 2 weeks time, I should have finished all my electives, aand then I will just have 1 course left, before I can claim freedom.
Im still looking for a final project in a company though, but Im confident things will pan out.
All I know is that this whole studying abroad thing has bein so good for me, Ive being stretched, and I think Ive matured in all areas of my life............its amazing what can happen to you when you are far away, and all alone by yourself.
Right now, Im working on myself and my relationship with my babe..........weve come through a lot together, and faced a lot of challenges..........I feel shes the one, and hope so, but well, Gods the centre of my life right now, so whatever he says, I submit.......
Ahhh shit (I said that to let u know say my leg still dey ground), I feel tired, I am gonna watch some movies, and all......
I havent gone clubbing in ages, I should go out after my exams, so far, things are going on great, Im alive, and well, I got a lot to thank God for.