Musings....

I am going to toastmasters this evening. I kinda get the feeling people aren't so happy with me, and I can't use my current situation as an excuse. So I guess its Den Haag to Utrecht and back again. *Sigh.
I now wanted to do an inventory of our cabinet, like take stock of all the things inside, like the stop watch, paper, etc. Its part of my responsibility as Sergeant at arms of the club. Now I cannot find the damned key. I have turned over everything searching for it. I absolutely HATE looking for stuff, and the thing is, I felt it was in my white Delft bag, which has all my Toastmasters stuff, but its not.
I hope I didn't lose or misplace it when I moved. Anyways I sent a mail to our president asking if I could get his key earlier. I got a mail from him, and of course it was laced with his wry irish humor, but I got the message.
Yes Mr President, I know you might read this :-)
Things are kinda going ok with my current relationship with R. I have committed to making it work, and she also wants to make it work, but there are just some things which I am not happy about when I think about them, but well, I cannot change em. The old me, before my relationship with T, would have just decided to bail, but R has good stuff in her, and I would miss her if she wasn't here.
I wonder if its the fact that I do love her, that I am still here, or that I do not want to be alone. Well, I think its the former. I wonder why I am writing this...maybe its therapy.
If you wanna go by the law of attraction which I believe in, then I must have attracted her into my life and she also..question is why?
Cus at times I wonder if its not possible to just be in a relationship with no issues or blah blah. I just pray this isn't a negative cycle I am repeating, and that the big dude upstairs (Thats God, if I gotta spell it out) actually has a grand nice plan for all of this. Because the last thing I need is to be caught in some cosmic negative cycle consisting of all that happened with my ex.

At times I wonder if I rushed into this, or if I did the right thing. Cus, my relationship with my ex was dead, right from the beginning of this year. We tried to give it CPR, and a whole lot, but the last straw was in July, when I left for good.
I hooked up with D for a bit, but didn't feel her so much, and I met R, and liked her and loved her, and for crying out loud, omo boi had to move on with his life, and so I went in. And well its had its ups and downs, but we shall see.

It is well anyways. Now I have to see if I can get some coins to take the tram. Never mind, one day coins in my life will be a thing of the past.
Back to toastmasters, I took a break from public speaking because I had feedback I was rushing through the manual, but now its like me wondering if I can get back on top of my game. I have so many other things going on now, and my club has some very gifted people...
But I am also gifted too..
Anyways, gotta run.
See you later amigos!