Tuesday, July 1, 2008


Its Friday night, and I am exhausted. I'm referring to last week Friday of course. I had been under a lot of pressure, trying to implement one foolish algorithm for my thesis, but for some reason it didn't work. My friend afam says its lack of bala. I beg to differ.
I didn't go to work that day. Apart from the fact that I'm sorta fed up with the place, I
had to chase my supervisor to fill out my "release" forms. So there was one form he had to fill in committee members for my thesis defense. I just managed to catch him just as he had entered...n he was obviously in a hurry.

wavemasta: Hey prof, please sign these for me.

prof: ok ok (signs hurriedly)

wavemasta: Sir, please fill in the names of my thesis committee members

prof: Thinking

prof: Ahhh Fuck!, cm on I have to talk to people, I cant do this right now, am already late.

Well, na so I carry my self comot....u see say prof fit use f-word anyhow.

Back to my crib men, my brain was still in hibernate, diff companies just dey reject son of man..so I had the idea to go out Friday, but my guy cudnt make it.
Saturday came, my brain kicked in, I was able to apply the algorithm, still was feeling lazy, then I got a call from madam. Shed bin trying to get me to go out for sometime, when I told her I was staying indoors again, she vexed. She asked me to ask one of my friends, but the guy too spiro, or so I felt. So I hooked up with one of my indian friends and a spanish guy, both in first year, and we went out to shayo.
I had already told one of my naija boiz here...I call him the vampire by the way, and its nuthin to do with the fact that hes ibo.
After shayoing with boiz, we entered a nice club with plenty of gbedu...vampire calls me and tells me hes in the area with another vampire friend of his...lets call him slick...hes also Ibo, based in the uk. So I find vampire and slick and we head to the African club in my area.
I stopped going there last year cus I didnt see any point.
You cant meet chicks, and then most of them like to form, and you definitely wont get laid. Not that thats what Im after, but well, thats how the scene is.
Tonight we got there, paid their exorbitant fee to a 5 foot 6 chick with large breasts (Well, they are large!) and then at the bar I meet G...whos from the republic of congo. Yes, congo is so nice, and we men just loveeee congo dont we? Especially when we get to shine...lol
So me, vampire and slick go in, order some beers and sit down. On the dance floor, I see two young chicks. Maybe 18, 19 , winding and grinding. These women do not conform to the International Robolicious (IRO) Organization Standards i.e they arent big like I like em, but they have moves anyways. Next thing, slick declares hes gonna rock em, even if they are with their boyfriends...
I relax and shayo, after all, theyre still playing makossa. Next thing I see slick yarning one of the guys who came with the two girls. Oh, theres a white chick there also...shes rubbing herself over one of em...shes got moves too...
I gist around with G and talk about how stressed up I Was and all....
Vampire enters the dance floor, I notice him dancing with one chick in white...the chicks twisting and all...shes there with a friend, the friend doesnt conform to IRO standands....I sip my beer...
Next thing, my orobometer goes off...I place my beer down and look up to see this amazon...tall, big, and big...dressed simply, not indecently...I sigh, cus am out of the game, and I dont wanna grab things....last time I did that, my anaconda had a wound on it for real...but tis a story for another day. I decide to get on the dance floor. The music takes over me and I begin to jam...I love to dance, I like to think I'm good. I might never be in a dance crew, but I like to rock, and its fun. I dont care about whether or not any woman dances with me, I just want to have fun. The djs hitting us with the latest jams....p-square, 2 face, etc..I notice this chick in green...she also doesn't conform...WTF is wrong with this place anyways? Shes not bad looking, shes winding and coming close to me....anaconda begins to stir...I shut the foolish snake down, the chick dances very close to me...seems she wants to...I'm like why not..so we dance, and am having fun...next thing she turns around..
Day-im....now am faced with the question......As Shakespeare would put it .."To grab or not to grab, that is the question"...as a gentle man, I don't like to grab as in grab...but in cases of dances from behind, theres a kinda way to go around it...I put a hand on her waist, and sorta angle my body away, so that foolish snake doesn't raise his head...she reacts, draws away, dances with another chick....oh well, nothing lost...
Slick is yarning some babe in the corner....I'd like to dance with those two chicks...one of em looked like she'd be checking me out for sometime, but dunno wasn't just in the mood, and I dislike small chicks who form.
I go back and rest, G says I'm a good dancer esp when it comes to hip-hop, but I should learn some more African dances...vampire wants to yarn the chick in white...he wants me to distract her friend..I do so...the chicks smile...they knw wassup...so am dancing with this chick, shes good...then the music changes to hip hop, she turns around, and grinds into me...

ANACONDA:-Yup! I heard my name!
me: shit shit shit

ANACONDA: just go low low, thats right...
me: I correct myself, adjust my body so the foolish snake has no contact....I dance ...

Seems vampire didnt score with the chick in white..he goes over to those young ones, they give him the "look"..u know that look that fake-ass chicks, esp in my former university give....vampire goes away....seems the chick saw that on his forehead.
The night goes like that, I'm tired an exhausted...anaconda spots an orobo dancing and wants to go over...I give him serious warning...anyways some dude is giving her close marking.
Its around 5.30, slick has gotten a chicks phone number, we leave.
We discuss chicks, and all sorts till slicks fone rings.
He switches to one pho-ne accent...its the chick he met at the club...he psyches the chick that he feels honored that shes calling him and he wants to commit suicide because of that..I roll my eyes..then he delivers the killer line....he tells the chick that when she left the club, he felt like there was "no air" like jordin sparks, and cudnt breathe..
Men, my hardened naija chicks no go fall for these yarns...lol
I ride my bike home, give the key back to its owner and crash....
I woke up feeling like a million dollars.....all the stress went off..
Madam advises me to to this more often. I'm not sure what she means by "This"..grab bakassi, or go clubbing......lol.....well this weekend is another time...


BOBBY said...

lolll you are hella funny. Loved this post.

Afam Anigbo said...

Men, anaconda na correct guy men.

LOL! Men, reminds me of the first hugs i had wit my chic wen bangetsu dey enter shikai anyhow and i dey use style cover d tin

But hey, chics these days expect anaconda to "rise to d occasion". In fact i hear they'd be dissapointed if it didnt

So i dont hide these days, I grind bangetsu like crazy and if it makes her high.... "PENETRATE AND DEVASTATE! BAN-KAI!

Of course dat was den... now omo boys don repent :-)