So far....musings, R, what next?

I'm listening to gidi lounge, I discovered it during my turbulence days, cus my friend used to play it all night..I just finished listening to Banky W's "Tanker"...dude has talent...
Heres the link to the gidi lounge music player!
Anyways I fired up this blog to just pour out my musings.
See, I'm a guy with lots of big goals, and I don't just dream..I walk my talk, and I do not think like the average dude...
But sometimes, the fear comes, like... "What if I am just deceiving myself?" What if I wake up and I am 40 years old, and I haven't hit one goal of mine?
Scary....but I just erase that thought and focus on my goals..
I got another interview tomorrow and from there I have to give a speech at toastmasters. I haven't given any in months, and I am close to finishing my track.

Even in my professional life, I'm wondering..what am I good at? I am focused on getting a job so I can take care of major needs while I focus on my dreams, but even me, I find myself wondering..."whats my niche? What am I supposed to do?"

My personal life is....non existent, apart from my relationship with R. I have a very freaky nature, but for some reason, I have decided to go the abstinence route (Am sure people who know me will laugh at me)..and I also have this thing for reaching out to chicks... Crazy, crazy, this isn't me. And for some strange reason, If I am in a relationship, I stay faithful because It will affect me even more than the chick..
The thought that the next time I will enjoy the reverse cowgirl will be on my wedding night is freaky! Chei! guys, can wavemasta cope? Find out in the next episode..lol
But I have been told, that if I enter naija, hmmmm, I am in trouble o, with the honeyz..and I have been told this by my "children" in the "game" whom I mentored...
Kai...see my life! lol...anyways now I'm doing more positive mentoring, though the other kind is still available to "inner circle" members...hehe..lol

Anyways I was just reminiscing.. my mind went back to the old days with my ex, before R, and yeah I remembered some good times. I tried to shut it out as I have before, because I am trying to focus all my energy on R, right now, and I might be jealous if she was reminiscing on good times with any of her exes ....*the buggers!!*
But yeah I was reminiscing on some of the adventures I had....jumping on planes to go see her without telling people...except I told my mum because she was planning on seeing me when she passed through my area..
So yeah, jumping on planes, leaving my comfort zone, dealing with a whole lot of internal bullshit, making myself a better person so I could be the best boyfriend for her *Then.. then all the fights, me trying to fix it, trying to be Mr mature, Mr understanding, Mr cool, all because I had one foolish voice in my ears telling me why girls went for more older guys, due to some nonsense "maturity" factor..so I guess I was trying to rep for us younger ones..hehe...
I guess things just went downhill, the distance wasn't helping, and I guess even my best efforts didn't save it, and I got tired of the constant fighting, making up, breaking up, and I was tired of being alone, and trying to move the relationship to the next level all myself. I have been here hustling for close to 4 years now, and I hate living in an empty house by myself...trapped by my own principles...
But man, I just remembered some good times, and I guess the experience made me a better man, and I can focus on R....

My ex was a very good person inside, and I could be veryyy frustrating at times, so its possible I am seeing this from one angle...and I hope God gives her own hubby....
I can't say that about some other exes...some I think of them and hiss..naija style...hehe..

Now its time for wavemasta to focus on the R equation :-) or the R formula..lol

Men, sometimes I feel older than my age...lol..
Thing about R is that its almost the same mode of communication...long distance..so I haven't seen or held her yet...So I am working on that...
I was wondering why I sort of felt a feeling of not being totally bonded to R yet, but I guess its just me and because I haven't hung out with her..I mean we haven't seen since I was doing my bachelors back home, and it was just a glimpse from afar.
Boy oh boy...
Thing is now I am seeing big big somethings everywhere, you know like in "The sixth sense" with Bruce Willis, when the kid says in a whispering hushed voice..
"I see dead people..."
Mine is...
"I see, big women, juicy..on the trams....on the trains....calling out to me..."
That my friends is my own sixth sense...hehe..
I wonder how R is doing...I should call, or mail...
But shes understanding...thats R...
Praying it works out jor...jah dey...
Maybe next time, I will blog about my experience with the robots..and I am serious..hehe...
Bye guys...