Well well, a lot has been happening my people, now its in the middle of June, dont know where to start.
Ok, my love life...is wonderful. Its the most unconventional relationship Ive bin in, you know I am the master of convention, want things in a specified order, but I guess God chose this path for me. My madams tight men, I just remember how it was like when we first saw when I went out to surprise her for her bday.
Now back to reality. I am still working on this thesis of a thing. I have a few algorithms to apply (non geeks, skip this section), and am still going to my work.
Well as per that place, they decided they weren't gonna renew me contract, gave all sorts of reasons, i.e I wasnt interpreting requirements fast enuff, etc etc, so men, I got home feeling depressed...madam had to calm me down and all that, but am cool now.
Imagine me, the crazy nerd doubting his coding skillz....chei...
Now back to my thesis...I got like 4 code rejections from the Phd student am working with, but sha today, I implemented what I think is a right solution, so I haven't gotten feedback...
Today, I met one Chinese dude , who simply began supplying me with companies to apply to..I applied to. Men these Chinese dudes here know whats up ooo, they got so much information and stuff, so I applied to like 6 companies today. The son of man needs a new crib, to import madam and give her triplets lol, and serious cash, screw school men, I don try with 2 yrs MSc, and I'm even gonna be among the first to graduate, if not the first..
My study program with my new course arrangement got approved, so now my gp is 8/10, cus I was overtaking courses, and selected the ones with the best marks...God dey sha.
What else...I went to church on Saturday ooo, for the first time since march. Na because dem do barbeq, so I just dey chop enuff meat. You know now, it means less cooking for me...lol. And I also went to church on Sunday, where there was food now, cus it was church anniversary.
Men, in church there was this chick wearing....no no, I won't blog about this...but men, when she walked by, even one brother in the lord, stopped, bit his lower lip, and looked at the bakassi...I have my madam and I love her to bits, but I had to admit this bakassi was deadly..you cud even see the panties...men I felt the "spirit"..
So men, crazy nerd is running to finish his thesis report on time, and step into the koko of cash, travel and giving madam triplets, ASAP.
Am I crazy...yeah, try doing an MSc in a freak university (Top rated in Europe), and living for 2 yrs in a metal box (Has Internet thank God), and no women, and u go craze. Speaking of things to prevent craze...I haven't gone clubbing in ages...hmm, I need a reminder.
I am growing up sha, Ive learnt that life isn't black and white, we should always give people the benefit of the doubt, make sure you trust with all ur heart, and don't be afraid to let go, and jump in..fear holds you down, but love sets you free.
And as regards to my last post, I don't think Felix has started his "raw food diet"..
And to the haters...Java rocks....screw .NET!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 2, 2008
Raw...yeah, Raw and skin to Chicken Skin
Yes yes I know, I havent blogged in a long time...my people its bin hectic. Your crazy nerd has to work 3 days alongside his Project to pay bills and stuff..ol boi, Jah dey sha. So a lot has been happening, a whole lotta gist. First lemme say madams fine, thanks for asking..shes looking so nice and innocent and stuff, and am proud to have her in my life. Now speaking of madams, I get one gist which will make u laff, and which will make some of you puke.
I got this friend called Felix,a naija guy like moi. We got here together, met at the Dutch Embassy and all, and we kept in touch when we got here, Id go to his crib, spend time and all that, and he did the same. Felix is a nice dude, but he has some very crazy dieting stiz. He's always trying out new experiments. One time it was protein powder. We had to go into one secret corner here looking for it. Thing is when he wants to do stuff like that, he backs it up with "scientific" facts. Then he was like, protein powder is the koko, it helps lose weight...wetin concern me sha.
Now, let me announce to haters that hes my pally, and reads my blog, and I have the license to yab him, so this is no diss post. Now, my friend has some weird chopping habits, which seriously gross me out, such as cooking stew, and then putting the stirring spoon in his mouth...lets just say that us together in the house or kitchen is like ewwww...
Anyways sha, Felix met one hot latino, and I was happy for him, so I went to check him at his new house, which he shared with her, and one other guy..I made them all laff(Naija style), I organized some shayo for them when I was coming and all.
Now felix began to tell me he had one new diet. Wait, ok, guess....guess now..given up? Ok, its...wait for this...""Raw Food".Yup, Felix is like..."wavemasta, Im gonna start a raw food diet"..while I was still attempting to pick my jaw off the ground, Felix began to launch into a tirade on how "scientists" had proved that raw food was good, nice, healthy, etc, and afterall, humankind existed for eons without cooking their food. That weekend, anysmall thing....felix will say "when I start my raw food diet"..ok, check this out.
Wavemasta: Felix, men, (talking about random stuff)
Felix: nuthin dey happen, ehen, when I start my raw food diet...
Wavemasta: entering shutdown mode
Latino chick: Rolling her eyes.
The latino chick kept telling me hes been going on like this all the time...the chick was hot sha, looked like Kelly Hu...but madam don jazz my anaconda, so I no fit do runs ooooo (Joke, Joke!)
Now wait for this..it was Felixs turn to make dinner. When he makes dinner, its like a bad chemistry lab experiment, though his housemates swore that hes a good cook..So he was gonna prepare barbeque chicken. My guy is putting the sauce on the chicken legs and removing the skin from the chickens to apply the sauce directly.
Now guys, if you are the squeamish type, pls dont read, or grab a barf bag, cus the next part of the story is ewwwww.
So my guy is removing the skin from the chicken, and I dont know how my spirit told me he was gonna do what he did....Felix put the chicken skin in his mouth and chewed and eat it....RAW!!!!.
Time stopped..I remember me screaming....then I heard other screams...the latina and the other guy had screamed....we were like "ëwww Gross" my guy begin dey apologize, say sorry, in know say in be beast. Ol boi, thank God say dem see correct person like me, at least as I follow dem shout...dem no go talk say na all naija men dey chop raw food. Anyways, I still chop the shicken, I had to shayo, to erase the memory of the raw food, and yeah it was nice and fun. I jisted madam...she begged me to stop...one of my friends facial expression just changed when I mentioned the chicken skin...yeepa...Me and my friends ehn..
We went to the beach yesterday, and they had bungee jumping. Omo, that thing was scary, esp seeing people doing it. Imagine jumping off a crane with nuthin more than a rubber wire attached to your legs...and it cost 60 euros again. I called madam and threatened to do it....she threatened to break my head...when I sent her the text, she called me back ASAP, straight...lol...who send naija man say make in bungee jump...I also had ice cream pancakes...am just a sucker for pancakes, or pannenkoeken, as we call em in dutch...lol
Ok, lets see,what else, work is going on fine.....I coded for almost 8 hrs 2day...e no easy to be eficco. I'm hoping to finish my thesis this month...And the son of Jah needs cash...no seriously men I need it.
Anyways, if any gist dey, I go yarn una..
I got this friend called Felix,a naija guy like moi. We got here together, met at the Dutch Embassy and all, and we kept in touch when we got here, Id go to his crib, spend time and all that, and he did the same. Felix is a nice dude, but he has some very crazy dieting stiz. He's always trying out new experiments. One time it was protein powder. We had to go into one secret corner here looking for it. Thing is when he wants to do stuff like that, he backs it up with "scientific" facts. Then he was like, protein powder is the koko, it helps lose weight...wetin concern me sha.
Now, let me announce to haters that hes my pally, and reads my blog, and I have the license to yab him, so this is no diss post. Now, my friend has some weird chopping habits, which seriously gross me out, such as cooking stew, and then putting the stirring spoon in his mouth...lets just say that us together in the house or kitchen is like ewwww...
Anyways sha, Felix met one hot latino, and I was happy for him, so I went to check him at his new house, which he shared with her, and one other guy..I made them all laff(Naija style), I organized some shayo for them when I was coming and all.
Now felix began to tell me he had one new diet. Wait, ok, guess....guess now..given up? Ok, its...wait for this...""Raw Food".Yup, Felix is like..."wavemasta, Im gonna start a raw food diet"..while I was still attempting to pick my jaw off the ground, Felix began to launch into a tirade on how "scientists" had proved that raw food was good, nice, healthy, etc, and afterall, humankind existed for eons without cooking their food. That weekend, anysmall thing....felix will say "when I start my raw food diet"..ok, check this out.
Wavemasta: Felix, men, (talking about random stuff)
Felix: nuthin dey happen, ehen, when I start my raw food diet...
Wavemasta: entering shutdown mode
Latino chick: Rolling her eyes.
The latino chick kept telling me hes been going on like this all the time...the chick was hot sha, looked like Kelly Hu...but madam don jazz my anaconda, so I no fit do runs ooooo (Joke, Joke!)
Now wait for this..it was Felixs turn to make dinner. When he makes dinner, its like a bad chemistry lab experiment, though his housemates swore that hes a good cook..So he was gonna prepare barbeque chicken. My guy is putting the sauce on the chicken legs and removing the skin from the chickens to apply the sauce directly.
Now guys, if you are the squeamish type, pls dont read, or grab a barf bag, cus the next part of the story is ewwwww.
So my guy is removing the skin from the chicken, and I dont know how my spirit told me he was gonna do what he did....Felix put the chicken skin in his mouth and chewed and eat it....RAW!!!!.
Time stopped..I remember me screaming....then I heard other screams...the latina and the other guy had screamed....we were like "ëwww Gross" my guy begin dey apologize, say sorry, in know say in be beast. Ol boi, thank God say dem see correct person like me, at least as I follow dem shout...dem no go talk say na all naija men dey chop raw food. Anyways, I still chop the shicken, I had to shayo, to erase the memory of the raw food, and yeah it was nice and fun. I jisted madam...she begged me to stop...one of my friends facial expression just changed when I mentioned the chicken skin...yeepa...Me and my friends ehn..
We went to the beach yesterday, and they had bungee jumping. Omo, that thing was scary, esp seeing people doing it. Imagine jumping off a crane with nuthin more than a rubber wire attached to your legs...and it cost 60 euros again. I called madam and threatened to do it....she threatened to break my head...when I sent her the text, she called me back ASAP, straight...lol...who send naija man say make in bungee jump...I also had ice cream pancakes...am just a sucker for pancakes, or pannenkoeken, as we call em in dutch...lol
Ok, lets see,what else, work is going on fine.....I coded for almost 8 hrs 2day...e no easy to be eficco. I'm hoping to finish my thesis this month...And the son of Jah needs cash...no seriously men I need it.
Anyways, if any gist dey, I go yarn una..
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Hey my peeps.. hoped u liked the video. It cracked me up, esp the yahooze part, we get talent for naija oo plenty talent..no shaking. Well,nuthin muchs been happening.
Popsie was a year older today, so I called him and wished him the best. Imagine, dem no get light, na wa oo na gen den still dey use. Seems PHCN (please Hold Condom/Candle Now) is still busting their balls, back home. Im good, madams good, life is generally flowing, sha. My thesis is trying to prove, but I already know the end from the beginning, as per, I wrote my script for 2008 in 2007, so nuthin dey happen.
Well guys, there aint much jist..except for my past activity...which is hunting down some woman who scammed me of some cash on facebook. On facebook market place, she advertised iphone. This was before I went to see madam for her birthday, so I was excited about getting one to rock. After I send money..she begin dey yarn story. First she said she accidentally sent 5 phones instead of one, and they are in transit, say make I pay for all five, or pay for 3, make she pay for the rest....ol boi, na when my naija 419 detector went off....so we have bin dragging this back and forth, I sent the cops after her, but its like shes dissappeared. I sent her a mail, saying, I didnt mind if it took me a week, month, or year, say I go track am down...lol ..too much movie..
Well, if ure on facebook, dnt buy stuff from suzan elizabeth....shes dangerous ..
Anyways, am reading x-men, and its late...safe yall!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Acres of Diamonds
I just got inspired to blog about this, cus its about how we go looking outside ourselves for happiness and things we already have. Also I have been cranking my brain, looking for a solution to a requirement for this map application I have to work on, without avail...
Anyways..story story, storyyyy, once upon a time....time time (If you aint Nigerian, just skip this line..lol)
There was this farmer who had a nice farm, and was doing quite well. One day, he heard news about how diamonds were found in a far away land.So this farmer sold everything he had..(yup, including his farm of many years), took the cash, and went searching. He searched far and wide and did not find anything. Many years later, thirsty, despondent, and heartbroken, he died a pauper.
Now back at his farm. the new owner was chilling out one day near the stream behind his crib, and he saw a flash in the stream. On checking it out, he saw it came from an uncut stone. He showed it to an expert who followed him back. They found lots of those rough uncut stones which turned out to be diamonds. The whole farm was littered with them. That farm was supposedly the great serengeti diamond mine, and made the owner rich.
Moral of the story....Diamonds are the koko....ok seriously, the moral of this story is that at this very moment, we are all standing in our very own acres of diamonds. Lots of people feel that leaving the marriage,job, or country will make their lives better. It might,in some cases, but most times, we leave the treasure we have to go searching for it outside. So if youre thinking of looking for diamonds somewhere...check and recheck your backyard, and remember diamonds do not look like diamonds in their normal form.
Example..I got back from a nice holiday with madam...my account was in the negative, and I needed to chop. I checked my store, and I found I had enough foodstuffs...so I made some moimoi, and lets see...I still had some chicken left....now I was panicking before.
Today, I had to get to work. I attempted buying my ticket only to be told I had exceeded my limit.
Here I was all kacked up to go..so with faith sha, I went to the train platform.
Then something was like...I could use my chip to pay..its another method of payment, on the same card, but u put money on it, unlike a normal debit card where you just swipe it. When I tried paying, it turned out I still had some cash on it, sooo I was able to buy my ticket...men na God save me cus the controllers checked tickets on the train, and if I messed up, I for hear am.
So guys, as we say in Nigeria...what you went to look for in Sokoto, is inside your Sokoto(Trousers), sometimes you need to just be patient, look some more, do some extra work..and if you really have to go to Sokoto, God will guide you, amen.
Dont worry, more raunchy anaconda stuff is coming up in my next post, I havent gone soft..lol
Might gist u about my trip to see madam, who knows, who knows..
Anyways..story story, storyyyy, once upon a time....time time (If you aint Nigerian, just skip this line..lol)
There was this farmer who had a nice farm, and was doing quite well. One day, he heard news about how diamonds were found in a far away land.So this farmer sold everything he had..(yup, including his farm of many years), took the cash, and went searching. He searched far and wide and did not find anything. Many years later, thirsty, despondent, and heartbroken, he died a pauper.
Now back at his farm. the new owner was chilling out one day near the stream behind his crib, and he saw a flash in the stream. On checking it out, he saw it came from an uncut stone. He showed it to an expert who followed him back. They found lots of those rough uncut stones which turned out to be diamonds. The whole farm was littered with them. That farm was supposedly the great serengeti diamond mine, and made the owner rich.
Moral of the story....Diamonds are the koko....ok seriously, the moral of this story is that at this very moment, we are all standing in our very own acres of diamonds. Lots of people feel that leaving the marriage,job, or country will make their lives better. It might,in some cases, but most times, we leave the treasure we have to go searching for it outside. So if youre thinking of looking for diamonds somewhere...check and recheck your backyard, and remember diamonds do not look like diamonds in their normal form.
Example..I got back from a nice holiday with madam...my account was in the negative, and I needed to chop. I checked my store, and I found I had enough foodstuffs...so I made some moimoi, and lets see...I still had some chicken left....now I was panicking before.
Today, I had to get to work. I attempted buying my ticket only to be told I had exceeded my limit.
Here I was all kacked up to go..so with faith sha, I went to the train platform.
Then something was like...I could use my chip to pay..its another method of payment, on the same card, but u put money on it, unlike a normal debit card where you just swipe it. When I tried paying, it turned out I still had some cash on it, sooo I was able to buy my ticket...men na God save me cus the controllers checked tickets on the train, and if I messed up, I for hear am.
So guys, as we say in Nigeria...what you went to look for in Sokoto, is inside your Sokoto(Trousers), sometimes you need to just be patient, look some more, do some extra work..and if you really have to go to Sokoto, God will guide you, amen.
Dont worry, more raunchy anaconda stuff is coming up in my next post, I havent gone soft..lol
Might gist u about my trip to see madam, who knows, who knows..
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Conversations with my Anaconda
Well after listening to Dbanjs "Anaconda", I have been inspired to do a post like this, I just never had time. But After all the torment Ive been through, I decided enough is enough. My post is dedicated to all guys who have found themselves in this situation. Welcome to my new post, called "Conversations with my Anaconda". Like Tpain said in "kiss-kiss"...."if you dont get it, u aint still getting it"...You knw what anaconda means and no, am not talking about the movie with J-lo and Ice cube..and even though I am a confirmed orobomaniac, Im sure that anaconda entered the anaconda book of records for managing to touch J-lo....I can imagine them in Anaconda kingdom yarning:
Anaconda 1 (Slithering through the forest): Ohhh boi, how far now
Anaconda 2 : nna men, see as life harsh ooo, we no see human being squeeze n chop,due to our corrupt leaders chopping all d choppables, omo how u enter that movie sef
Anaconda 1: Omo, I just use style enter the studio act as if say I be robot, omo men, that J-lo, sweeetttt...
Anaconda2: If your wife catch u me I no dey....if she go squeeze brad pitt now, your eye go clear..
Anyways I am digressing from the main post which is me and MY anaconda.
Scene 1
wavemasta wakes up in the morning and looks down....Anaconda is awake
wavemasta: ooooooh u this foolish boi, you don start, dis one na early morning
anaconda: Bros u dey mess up big tym, han han e don tey wen I don chop, man shall not survive by hand, mojo and past memories now, han han
wavemasta: Dis guy u be alakoba, make I study, finish this msc, and besides I don become good boi
anaconda: Omo mehn, leave story, which kin good boi, u don forget that runs wey...
wavemasta: Sharrap! Stupid boi (Big lo impression)...
anaconda: Bros u know say my kinda of anaconda only comes once every generation, bros e no good oh..
wavemasta: Trying to focus and think positively...entering shower and going to work
scene 2: (Work)
wavemasta: Writing serious Java code...next thing
Anaconda: NNa bros, han han wetin, make we look some mojo now (Disclaimer...I dont watch mojos @work...Im no saint, but its unethical)
wavemasta: Dis guy, I dey write code
anaconda: Bros since u begin this msc, u don dey slack, han han for naija na so so point n chop we dey do now, wetin, God dey ohhh
wavemasta: Abegi kip quiet, U knw say I get person
anaconda: Dis guy u go reduce my battery life from 2 hours to 10 mins, full tank no good
wavemasta: I always empty the tank manually, nna men, make I work
anaconda: Bros no be by book u dey take catch woman, han han university no teach u anything
wavemasta: Men this anaconda dey talk true ooo, do me I do you, God no go vex...
Scene 3:(Going Home, walking down the road)
(Big fine orobo chick in front..next thing..)
Anaconda: Damn, omo go scope dis chick now, see bakassi...nna chelu, u dey slack oooo
wavemasta: God, which kin anaconda be dis?
(next thing Angel Appears)
Angel: wavemasta don't, ure a good boi...wait on God to provide your partner then u can break ur record of 6 rounds and make it 10
wavemasta: Anaconda: you don hear? angel don yarn d koko
anaconda: Omo, Angel always dey dull runs for boiz..sha when u get home load one mojo make man survive..na so so lepa, dey for this country, instead make u scope woman, u dey do girlfriend, and na so so book u dey do...
Anaconda: Men, I go show you one day, walahi, I go go on strike like NLC
wavemasta: wait wait, no strike now, calm down, ehn, dnt worry, e go better, I get one tite mojo..
Besides If I dont get my MSc, then no cash, and if no cash, no game!
anaconda: Hmm bribery, but I see your point sha, I go allow you rest small
wavemasta: God, abeg, save ur pikin...
Now lemme get back to work ooooo....Agro and full tank no Good, chei!
Anaconda 1 (Slithering through the forest): Ohhh boi, how far now
Anaconda 2 : nna men, see as life harsh ooo, we no see human being squeeze n chop,due to our corrupt leaders chopping all d choppables, omo how u enter that movie sef
Anaconda 1: Omo, I just use style enter the studio act as if say I be robot, omo men, that J-lo, sweeetttt...
Anaconda2: If your wife catch u me I no dey....if she go squeeze brad pitt now, your eye go clear..
Anyways I am digressing from the main post which is me and MY anaconda.
Scene 1
wavemasta wakes up in the morning and looks down....Anaconda is awake
wavemasta: ooooooh u this foolish boi, you don start, dis one na early morning
anaconda: Bros u dey mess up big tym, han han e don tey wen I don chop, man shall not survive by hand, mojo and past memories now, han han
wavemasta: Dis guy u be alakoba, make I study, finish this msc, and besides I don become good boi
anaconda: Omo mehn, leave story, which kin good boi, u don forget that runs wey...
wavemasta: Sharrap! Stupid boi (Big lo impression)...
anaconda: Bros u know say my kinda of anaconda only comes once every generation, bros e no good oh..
wavemasta: Trying to focus and think positively...entering shower and going to work
scene 2: (Work)
wavemasta: Writing serious Java code...next thing
Anaconda: NNa bros, han han wetin, make we look some mojo now (Disclaimer...I dont watch mojos @work...Im no saint, but its unethical)
wavemasta: Dis guy, I dey write code
anaconda: Bros since u begin this msc, u don dey slack, han han for naija na so so point n chop we dey do now, wetin, God dey ohhh
wavemasta: Abegi kip quiet, U knw say I get person
anaconda: Dis guy u go reduce my battery life from 2 hours to 10 mins, full tank no good
wavemasta: I always empty the tank manually, nna men, make I work
anaconda: Bros no be by book u dey take catch woman, han han university no teach u anything
wavemasta: Men this anaconda dey talk true ooo, do me I do you, God no go vex...
Scene 3:(Going Home, walking down the road)
(Big fine orobo chick in front..next thing..)
Anaconda: Damn, omo go scope dis chick now, see bakassi...nna chelu, u dey slack oooo
wavemasta: God, which kin anaconda be dis?
(next thing Angel Appears)
Angel: wavemasta don't, ure a good boi...wait on God to provide your partner then u can break ur record of 6 rounds and make it 10
wavemasta: Anaconda: you don hear? angel don yarn d koko
anaconda: Omo, Angel always dey dull runs for boiz..sha when u get home load one mojo make man survive..na so so lepa, dey for this country, instead make u scope woman, u dey do girlfriend, and na so so book u dey do...
Anaconda: Men, I go show you one day, walahi, I go go on strike like NLC
wavemasta: wait wait, no strike now, calm down, ehn, dnt worry, e go better, I get one tite mojo..
Besides If I dont get my MSc, then no cash, and if no cash, no game!
anaconda: Hmm bribery, but I see your point sha, I go allow you rest small
wavemasta: God, abeg, save ur pikin...
Now lemme get back to work ooooo....Agro and full tank no Good, chei!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Shit Bizness: How I repped my country
I was at work, writing a presentation, then I felt the urge to answer the call of nature. Now wait...don't leave my page, just read on.
I entered the bathroom, and did my thing. The "results" were just average, nuthin special. I now flushed the toilet, na when yawa begin dey gas. When I flushed, one of my "large" results was still there staring at me. In my head I was like (yup, u guessed it....) "Shit!".
If na for naija, I might have succumbed to the temptation of leaving it the way it was, but in this oyibo land, especially me being the only black person at work, omo, I cud not afford to derep naija.
Imagine if they r speakin dutch and goin...."Oh yeah the Nigerian put a huge bomb in the toilet...it was so bad, we all had to use the downstairs branch"..no way jose.
I flushed again, the flushing mechanism chose that exact moment not to work, or pack enuff energy..for my mind I dey think..."omo, this thing wan soap me".
I racked my brains for an optimal algorithm (efficient method, for non computerese speakers) to dispose of my "results". I remembered one of my elder brothers who has lived in jand so long hes got this british accent and acts like a character from "some mothers do have em" (Frank Spencer).
I remember one tym way back, whether na 1999, and I was in his apartment in jand, and I bombed his bathroom, I remember him using the toilet brush to clear the ..er...results,and explaining to my 17-18 year old mind that the toilet brush was meant for that purpose. For me, that was a great "revelation", since I felt toilet brushes were meant for "nicer" things.
So fastfoward to 10 yrs later, crazy nerd looking at his results in the toilet, and I reached for the nice clean white (no racism meant) brush and used it to push the results down the toilet.
I succeeded in hiding the "evidence", but now the toilet brush had shades of brown sticking to it.
I spent 5 mins more rinsing the brush, by now the waters had turned brown, and the brush was looking ok. Now I was faced with a life and death decision.
Do I leave the waters brown as they are, and let the next person find his way, or do I take a risk and flush?
I had to be a good boi and rep my country, cnt have em thinkin we africans are savages...I flushed. Now the bastard had gone down, but he'd left a stain at the bottom. This time, I was prepared. I took some tissue, stuffed it in the toilet, and used the brush this time to clean. Now the brush was "protected".
Finally the coast was clear, and the day was saved, and I preserved the rep of my country by cleaning up after myself and being neat.
Look after urself,and be conscious of urself....for some pple,u mite be the only Naija guy they meet, so u gotta be a good ambassador.
Oh shit.......gotta use the bathroom again.......maybe I will go downstairs this time..
I entered the bathroom, and did my thing. The "results" were just average, nuthin special. I now flushed the toilet, na when yawa begin dey gas. When I flushed, one of my "large" results was still there staring at me. In my head I was like (yup, u guessed it....) "Shit!".
If na for naija, I might have succumbed to the temptation of leaving it the way it was, but in this oyibo land, especially me being the only black person at work, omo, I cud not afford to derep naija.
Imagine if they r speakin dutch and goin...."Oh yeah the Nigerian put a huge bomb in the toilet...it was so bad, we all had to use the downstairs branch"..no way jose.
I flushed again, the flushing mechanism chose that exact moment not to work, or pack enuff energy..for my mind I dey think..."omo, this thing wan soap me".
I racked my brains for an optimal algorithm (efficient method, for non computerese speakers) to dispose of my "results". I remembered one of my elder brothers who has lived in jand so long hes got this british accent and acts like a character from "some mothers do have em" (Frank Spencer).
I remember one tym way back, whether na 1999, and I was in his apartment in jand, and I bombed his bathroom, I remember him using the toilet brush to clear the ..er...results,and explaining to my 17-18 year old mind that the toilet brush was meant for that purpose. For me, that was a great "revelation", since I felt toilet brushes were meant for "nicer" things.
So fastfoward to 10 yrs later, crazy nerd looking at his results in the toilet, and I reached for the nice clean white (no racism meant) brush and used it to push the results down the toilet.
I succeeded in hiding the "evidence", but now the toilet brush had shades of brown sticking to it.
I spent 5 mins more rinsing the brush, by now the waters had turned brown, and the brush was looking ok. Now I was faced with a life and death decision.
Do I leave the waters brown as they are, and let the next person find his way, or do I take a risk and flush?
I had to be a good boi and rep my country, cnt have em thinkin we africans are savages...I flushed. Now the bastard had gone down, but he'd left a stain at the bottom. This time, I was prepared. I took some tissue, stuffed it in the toilet, and used the brush this time to clean. Now the brush was "protected".
Finally the coast was clear, and the day was saved, and I preserved the rep of my country by cleaning up after myself and being neat.
Look after urself,and be conscious of urself....for some pple,u mite be the only Naija guy they meet, so u gotta be a good ambassador.
Oh shit.......gotta use the bathroom again.......maybe I will go downstairs this time..
Monday, March 24, 2008
Its been a long time since yours truly blogged..Its bin a combo of not enuff time, and being a lil bit lazy, and also battling with a bit of insomnia. You got that right, I no longer find it easy sleeping at normal hours, but am not a vampire anyways.
Im still on the fast lane, but Ive found my footing and learning how to navigate. Im still holdin on to my dreams of A distinction coupled with madam(wink), and u knw like gabrielle said "dreams can come true". Easter was just there, I did some clearing out of my crib, did some little shopping...yeah I knw my lifes a bit monotonous right now, maybe some action go shele next month.
Now this countrys weather is crazee..it snows in the morning(Which is why I woke up 1 this afternoon...lol), is sunny in the afternoon, rains in the evening. In fact at times all 3 of em can happen in the morning.
Im still here, doing my thing as always...valentines day wasnt so special, but I called madam n let her knw she was loved, and I love doing that.
Now am in my pyjamas wondering what to do. I got code to study, but now am just chilling and about to go on a smallville-athon....it just keeps getting better and better :D , and the son of man needs to relax.
Speaking of the son of man, I watched "Passion of the Christ" in church yesterday, that was scary, Mel Gibson used so so much blood. But really, I'm going to ask God why he didnt use a less gruesome method to save mankind,other than the flogging and getting nailed to the cross. When I get up there we will sit down on a sofa, and have a nice long chat.
Adios amigos!
Im still on the fast lane, but Ive found my footing and learning how to navigate. Im still holdin on to my dreams of A distinction coupled with madam(wink), and u knw like gabrielle said "dreams can come true". Easter was just there, I did some clearing out of my crib, did some little shopping...yeah I knw my lifes a bit monotonous right now, maybe some action go shele next month.
Now this countrys weather is crazee..it snows in the morning(Which is why I woke up 1 this afternoon...lol), is sunny in the afternoon, rains in the evening. In fact at times all 3 of em can happen in the morning.
Im still here, doing my thing as always...valentines day wasnt so special, but I called madam n let her knw she was loved, and I love doing that.
Now am in my pyjamas wondering what to do. I got code to study, but now am just chilling and about to go on a smallville-athon....it just keeps getting better and better :D , and the son of man needs to relax.
Speaking of the son of man, I watched "Passion of the Christ" in church yesterday, that was scary, Mel Gibson used so so much blood. But really, I'm going to ask God why he didnt use a less gruesome method to save mankind,other than the flogging and getting nailed to the cross. When I get up there we will sit down on a sofa, and have a nice long chat.
Adios amigos!
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